5 Amazing Buildings of the Future (And How They'll Kill You)

#2. Shimizu Mega-City Pyramid

Holy shit. So... we owe Sky City an apology.

This uber-Pyramid would hold 750,000 people in a gigantic monstrosity to be built over Tokyo Bay.

All right, these guys are clearly just trying to out-horror themselves at this point. Somewhere there's a guy drawing up plans for a complex to house all of the world's orphans in a gargantuan glass dome suspended over an active volcano.

Why It's Awesome:

The proposed 1.25-miles high Shimizu Mega-City Pyramid would be 12 times taller than the Great Pyramid of Giza. Seeing as how Japan has 128 million people vacuum-packed in residential areas one-fourth the size of California, the pyramid will help alleviate the nation's burgeoning overpopulation problem.

Why You'll Shit Your Pants:

Hey, remember all that stuff about trying to evacuate Sky City in the event of a disaster? Now imagine three quarters of a million panicked people trying to cram their way down the stairwell. It really does seem like the kind of horror no terrorist could resist causing.

As an added bonus, Mega-City's construction and maintenance rely on a great deal of yet-to-be-invented technology, all of which, if modern sci-fi cinema has taught us anything, is bound for murderous sentience.

So if the cleaning droids don't start eviscerating Tokyoites, the genetically modified algae fuel cells will. And if the algae don't start sleeping with our wives, those blasted carbon nanotubes will.

Other Inconveniences:

Mechanized walkways and commuter pods will handle all transit within the Mega-City. This makes sense given the pyramid's size, but we can't help but imagine the city's walkways clogged with a non-stop parade of lost pets, winos and confused old people--all cycling throughout the complex for days like some tragically hilarious Rube Goldberg doodle.

#1. Galactic Suites

The International Space Station has accommodated literally half dozens of space tourists since 2001. To meet this overwhelming demand for zero gravity holidays, Galactic Suite Limited, a Spanish company, is devising an orbital three-bedroom hotel. Yes, we're thinking half of the horror films in the future are going to be set at this place.

Why It's Awesome:

Remember how you wanted to be an astronaut when you were a kid? Remember how you gave up that dream after double majoring in Budweiser and Hoagies? Wouldn't it be great to show the world you have the right stuff after all?

Why You'll Shit Your Pants:

Well, there's the fact that you're suspended in a tiny pod out in the freezing vacuum of space, where help is days or weeks away should your attached rocket malfunction.

Not that most of us will ever know; only an estimated 40,000 people on the entire planet can afford Galactic Suite's $4 million three-day stay. If you got that kind of scratch, you're not reading Cracked. You're buying us.

Secondly, Galactic Suite Limited should have a word with their press agent. Several of the hotel's innovations purposely invoke films in which shit goes terribly wrong in space. Velcro shoes and walls from 2001: A Space Odyssey? The tropical launch silo from Moonraker? What next, facehugger spa treatments?


The acid blood is really great for your head chakra.

Finally, none of Galactic Suite's designs have been built or tested yet, which bodes poorly for its 2012 launch date. Our hats go off to those extremely rich, extremely stupid folks who've reserved rooms for its opening gala. Remember: In space, no one can hear you litigate. Because you'll be dead.

Other Inconveniences:

You'd have buyer's remorse after one day there. The 15 sunrises and sunsets per day would get old fast. You'd feel too stupid to watch TV and if your fellow tourists do speak English, they're probably bastards. You could give space sex a go, but even then you'd cry, as globules of your own juices waft up and sting your eyes.


This was totally worth it?

To see what we thought the future was going to look like, check out The 8 Most Common Sci-Fi Visions of the Future (And Why They'll Never Happen). Or find out about how Back to the Future made Brockway the insecure baby he is today, in The Hoverboard Lie: How Back to the Future Ruined Childhood.

And stop by our Top Picks to see the future of the Internet.

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