The International Space Station has accommodated literally half dozens of space tourists since 2001. To meet this overwhelming demand for zero gravity holidays, Galactic Suite Limited, a Spanish company, is devising an orbital three-bedroom hotel. Yes, we're thinking half of the horror films in the future are going to be set at this place.
Why It's Awesome:
Remember how you wanted to be an astronaut when you were a kid? Remember how you gave up that dream after double majoring in Budweiser and Hoagies? Wouldn't it be great to show the world you have the right stuff after all?
Why You'll s**t Your Pants:
Well, there's the fact that you're suspended in a tiny pod out in the freezing vacuum of space, where help is days or weeks away should your attached rocket malfunction.
Not that most of us will ever know; only an estimated 40,000 people on the entire planet can afford Galactic Suite's $4 million three-day stay. If you got that kind of scratch, you're not reading Cracked. You're buying us.
Secondly, Galactic Suite Limited should have a word with their press agent. Several of the hotel's innovations purposely invoke films in which s**t goes terribly wrong in space. Velcro shoes and walls from 2001: A Space Odyssey? The tropical launch silo from Moonraker? What next, facehugger spa treatments?
The acid blood is really great for your head chakra.
Finally, none of Galactic Suite's designs have been built or tested yet, which bodes poorly for its 2012 launch date. Our hats go off to those extremely rich, extremely stupid folks who've reserved rooms for its opening gala. Remember: In space, no one can hear you litigate. Because you'll be dead.
You'd have buyer's remorse after one day there. The 15 sunrises and sunsets per day would get old fast. You'd feel too stupid to watch TV and if your fellow tourists do speak English, they're probably bastards. You could give space sex a go, but even then you'd cry, as globules of your own juices waft up and sting your eyes.
This was totally worth it?
To see what we thought the future was going to look like, check out The 8 Most Common Sci-Fi Visions of the Future (And Why They'll Never Happen). Or find out about how Back to the Future made Brockway the insecure baby he is today, in The Hoverboard Lie: How Back to the Future Ruined Childhood.
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