3John Daly and Hooters
If you're reading this, odds are you think golf is somewhere between "boring" and "extremely fucking boring." The only good things that are even vaguely golf-related are thought to be Caddyshack, Happy Gilmore and Tiger Woods' super hot wife Elin.
Fuck you Tiger Woods.
But it wasn't always like that, thanks to a brief period in the early 90s when John Daly (kind of a cross between Al Czervik from Caddyshack and Happy Gilmore, only fatter and drunker) burst on the scene. Add the fact that he smokes like a fiend, has had run-ins with the law, scraps with his wife and can hit the shit out of a golf ball makes him a perfect spokesperson for... Hooters.
The popular chain known for well-endowed, scantily clad waitresses serving "food" and flirtatious conversation, viewed Daly as the "everyman," and the big drunk didn't disappoint. His "payment" for wearing the Hooters logo during tournaments? Unlimited food and beer at any of the restaurant's chains. Oh, shit.
The finest athlete of our time.
What do you think happened? Here's a guy who if it weren't for the fact that he can crush a golf ball, would likely be living in a van drinking Schlitz and watching Maury Povich. Instead, John Daly can go to any Hooter's anywhere and drink his ass off.
Which is what he did in Fall of 2008 in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Daly got so loaded he lost consciousness at the restaurant, then refused to go to the hospital when paramedics arrived. So the cops hauled his ass to jail, where he spent the night in the drunk tank.
Oh fuck not again.
Well the PGA suspended him for six months. As far as Hooters goes, they have yet to drop Daly as a spokesperson. And why would they? With six months off the man's gotta drink, and customers may be intrigued enough to frequent Hooters everywhere just for a chance to see a PGA golfer choke on his own vomit.
Meanwhile, Daly has his own signature wine coming out. That's right, embrace who you are, John!
2James Garner and Beef
The year is 1986, and people have become more health conscious, much to the chagrin of the Beef Industry Council of the Meat Board and the Cattlemen's Beef Board. To fight this madness, these Knights of the Beef Table launched their "Beef... Real Food for Real People" campaign, all but calling non-meat eaters fags.
Their spokesman was James Garner, a likable actor who some of you young readers only know as "the old guy in the Notebook." In the ad, Garner uses his kabobs as a metaphor for a healthy all-beef diet.
You know that tomato in the commercial, the one Mr. Garner so callously threw away? Seems he probably should've eaten a few more of those and a few less beef kebabs. In April of 1988, Garner underwent quadruple bypass surgery (that means four blood vessels in his heart were blocked). The Beef Council and Garner tried to blame his clogged arteries on his years of smoking, not the cholesterol-laden red meat he'd been eating. What, did they find a bunch of cigarette butts jammed in there?
Needless to say it doesn't look too great when you're spokesperson nearly drops dead from the very health problem you hired him to gloss over. The Beef Council people and Garner agreed to an amicable split. In retrospect, it looks kind of short-sighted considering Garner is still alive and working today, at age 81. Come on, guys, why not sign him up for a "BEEF HAS MADE ME IMMORTAL!" campaign? What could go wrong?