6Nicolas Cage- Sankyo
Nicolas Cage does not have an agent.
We're not going to blame the Japanese for the oddity of this ad. We believe this is all Nic Cage; just Cage being Cage. We imagine it went something like this:
Cage: Alright guys, I got this whole thing worked out. We start with me as a cowboy.
Japanese Ad Exec: Excuse me? I am honored you have agreed to endorse our product, but do you even know what product we're selling?
Cage: Hush, you're interrupting my process. So anyway, I'm a cowboy decked out in silk. A real frilly, silky cowboy with the rootin' tootins and all that stuff. Then I come upon some aliens.
Japanese Ad Exec: Aliens?
Cage: Aliens made of balls. And at first I'm all like, "What in tarnation?!" We're gonna fight, right? Intergalactic war. No! Instead we dance. They shake their balls and do their alien shuffle dance and I'm all like, "giddy up!"
Japanese Ad Exec: I'm afraid I don't-
Cage: I know what you're sayin', "Hey, Nicky Cage, all this silky cowboy and alien balls and dancin' sounds real faggy. But that's when we hit 'em with the switcharoo. I totally butch it up at the end by head butting the head ball alien guy, right in the ball!
Japanese Ad Exec: Uh, thank you for your creative input, but we only have one day to shoot and don't have any of those things.
Cage: No worries, I already filmed it.
Japanese Ad Exec: You what?
Cage: (galloping away on a stick horse) Yahoo! Giddy up! Whaoooo!
5Dennis Hopper - Tsumura
Dennis loves rubber duckies and forgot he's not in a David Lynch movie.
We defy anyone to figure out what Dennis is selling in this ad. We think the only thing he's selling is crazy, in which case this is the most perfect alignment of celebrity endorser and product ever. Dennis Hopper guzzles crazy like a Hummer guzzles gasoline; like Amy Winehouse guzzles... well, gasoline.
Dennis tells a fellow, "I want to show you something." (NOTE: If Dennis Hopper ever asks to show you something, do not follow him to a second location). What does Dennis have to reveal? A rubber duckie and a bizarre bath time practice of getting hopped up on inhalants and mercilessly screaming at the duck.
Then he asks the fellow what his favorite beer is. The man answers "Pabst Blue Ribbon" and Dennis just looks at his feet.