Video game cutscene acting jobs must not pay much because for most actors, they seem to be the last stop before dinner theater. But that shouldn't require them to suck, should it?
Apparently it does, as everyone from top-level stars to washed-up '80s actors seems to turn in cringe-worthy performances. We believe none were cringe worthier than these:
5Christopher Walken in Ripper
In this futuristic retelling of the Jack the Ripper legend, via crappy PC game, there was no definite answer as to who the Ripper was. The game randomly generated a new character as the killer every time you played. Thus, every character was written much like Christopher Walken's character, Detective Vince Magnotta: shifty, untrustworthy and ready to stab a whore at the drop of a hat.
There are half a dozen familiar faces in the game's trailer--watch in amazement as each tries to out-suck the other. What becomes quickly apparent is that nobody in this game is going to chew the scenery like Walken:
In what will become video game cutscene tradition, Walken gives what may be the worst performance of his sort of illustrious career ("sort of" refers to Balls of Fury).
Seriously, as much as we love the man, it appears that Walken hasn't turned down an acting role in his life. This game came out in 1996, right between Pulp Fiction and The Suicide Kings for Walken. He doesn't care, he just really, really likes acting.
But that still doesn't explain what it is about video game cutscenes that turns every actor into William Shatner.
450 Cent in Bulletproof
A great game should transport the gamer, and immerse them in a new world where all things are possible. Bulletproof, on the other hand, was created to satisfy this need within only one person: rapper 50 Cent.
This PS2 and Xbox game is to 50 Cent what an angry, murderous crayon drawing is to a 9-year-old fat kid that gets picked on in gym class. It's a hastily thrown-together, cartoonishly violent revenge fantasy.
In this clip Fiddy loads up in his apartment and declares himself to be the "hardest muthafucka on the street," enunciating fairly well for a guy who took a bullet to the mouth during a 2000 shooting incident.
Want to know how you can tell this is a bachelor pad? Ass poster.
The character of 50 Cent in the game gets his likeness, voice and name from the real-life 50 Cent, but with the added bonus of having John Woo-like gun fighting abilities. You can imagine 50 drawing this up on a napkin as one stick figure named "The guy who tried to kill me" is drawn being murdered in many different ways by a mysterious second character only referred to as "Me."
Observe as this real-life victim of gun violence conveys his personal suffering into a cautionary tale for his fans:
Fiddy passionately believes that his own personal tragedy could have been prevented if he had just practiced a little Gun Kata. And by "a little" we mean enough to double the entire New York murder rate in a single day.