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Rosie O'Donnell to Fred Durst: The 7 Most Bizarre Celebrity Blogs

#3.
Roseanne Barr - "Roseanne World"

If You Must Read It

You can find it HERE.

There are several celebrities capable of discussing their political viewpoints in a thoughtful and intelligent manner. Roseanne Barr is not one of those celebrities.

On her "Roseanne World" blog, Roseanne Barr dishes out attacks on George Bush, Dick Cheney and just about anybody else with all of the calm objectivity of Rush Limbaugh on a two-week meth bender. In a post titled "getting old really really sucks," Roseanne screams about how she's tired of nobody listening to her just because she is a "loud and offensive old woman!" For the record, we here at Cracked are completely against writing someone off based solely on their age or sex. With that said, if someone you know has ever drawn up a picture like this ...

... ignore that person at all costs. That picture is from the post charmingly titled "Huckahitler" and is, well, just what it looks like. Why draw Hitler mustaches on Mike Huckabee and his kids? Because during his time as the governor of Arkansas, he apparently let a convicted sexual predator out of jail early and helped his son escape punishment for killing a dog at summer camp ...just like the holocaust.

Of course, even the most hardened political blogger needs a break sometimes. Every once in awhile, Roseanne tones down the political crazy to indulge in some good old basic vanilla crazy. For example, check out this excerpt from the post titled "Christmas Wishes":

"God is now making Itself seen. It is creation Itself. Creation is an interconnected Being. It is a silver thread shaped like a spiral, and we the biosphere that moves up and down it, like Jacob's ladder. It's 'language' is RNA. IT IS GREEN. HER BABYLONIAN NAME IS 'NEMESIS'."

Word up.

Words of Wisdom:

"Pat Sajak ... you traitorous old queen!"

#2.
Fred Durst - "American Alien"

If You Must Read It

You can find it HERE.

Oh man, this fucking guy! How well-liked was Fred Durst by the time this blog was started in 2004? So much so that he made it a whole three posts before hackers got into his Xanga account and took the site offline for over a month. He returned to make one last post and then disappeared never to post again, bringing the sum total of this blog's output to a whopping four posts.

And, what a hilariously shitty bunch of posts they were. Apparently, the idea behind "American Alien" was to give Durst an outlet to explore his newfound interest in, wait for it ... philosophy.

That's right, the man behind thought-provoking lyrics like "I did it all for the nookie (come on), the nookie (come on), so you can take that cookie and stick it up your (yeah)" was reinventing himself as, literally, "a person who offers views or theories on profound questions in ethics, metaphysics, logic, and other related fields." So what does it sound like when Fred Durst gets philosophical on that ass? Something like this:

"this assures me all is well regardless of my minds own interpretation of exactly where i am at in this particular genre of love and life. i know, i know, i'll stop. when things that are living are in fact dying they change colors, but the things that are already dead will always remain the same."

You know what else will always remain the same? The fact that no matter what Fred Durst is saying, we will always want him to just shut the fuck up. Never before have computer hackers seemed so benevolent.

Words of Wisdom:

"This is so accurate to me. Powerful words assassassain29"

#1.
Courtney Love - MySpace Blog

If You Must Read It:

You can find it HERE.

Unless you've been stuck with the task of compiling a list of potentially dangerous blogs for the government, or you really fucking hate yourself, there is no good damn reason you should be reading Courtney Love's MySpace blog. There are professionals like us whose job it is to sift through this 50,000-word long Internet nightmare comprised exclusively of wholly incoherent rants that are all misspelled to the point of making your average Nigerian email scammer look like Hemingway. It's dangerous work, and best left to the experts.

There is literally no subject that Courtney Love can't turn into a short story-length exercise in consonant and vowel misplacement that, if copied and pasted into Microsoft Word with spell check turned on, will cause your computer to make a sound like a boiling tea kettle before bursting into flame.

It's foolish for us to keep trying to describe it, so we'll just let Courtney's blogging skills speak for themselves:

Words of Wisdom:

On her new album:
"when i first stazrted this endaevor almost 4 years ago ( yeah but ONLY 74 DAYS IN THE STUDIO ALL IN) i had these niave barely there little songs this paino sinmset ,marwuis i gave to Visionare because i loved the idea of anything being in Vinyl and becaus ei knew that it would never opthewr wise see the light of day, so yes it goes on and on - bu tthaqtsx because itll cvome out when its ready"

On identity theft:
"i feel as tho my karma is good emnough that i wont get burned sonc eim not the one that did the plethora of oh every whiote collar crime you can think of from morgtage fraud to notary fraud to a MASS id fraud abnd 20 some corps oppened on my name"

On miyo;cooya/need princess ai to tour and record/ mirakami:
"i cant seem to find you! i am sending nobuku th emarch kera ( please include ther new kera in your package when you get this) i have a major very impoirtant task for you-= it involves mirakami and you will be mroe than welcome- it is not mr mriaskami ylou willbe seeing someone else- but its important we speak japamnese to this person- not geijin through geijin."

On spelling:
"im a good speller technically but its like i juts cant post toptally cohetent long thoughts as my braon goes os fast"

More from Adam Brown can be found at ScenicAnemia.com, the Midwest's only source for humor, news, rock and awesome.

For an article about celebrities doing what they're actually good at, check out Mike Swaim's compilation of The 11 Most Unintentionally Poignant Drunk Celebrity Videos or check out real professional blogger Ross Wolinsky's rundown of the most underreported celebrity stories of the year.

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