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Hi there. I'm married to a woman and I have a kid. I'm Vera, and I'm a straight crossdresser
It's funny how much time actually influences your life.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Lasers are awesome, but they aren't toys.
It turns out the very same force that is turning us into pudgy couch potatoes is also being harnessed to make us get off our asses.
It's not even a good version of 'Passion.'
Life could always be worse. You could have woken up as one of these poor bastards.
All too often, ideas are sucked dry and left to die in a soggy gutter.
Take the following, supposedly efficient methods of fighting constant surveillance. Seriously, take them and use them in public.
Yes, I had shingles, and, as I was about to find out, even though everyone has sorta heard of it and a third of Americans get it during their lifetime, most people don't really have a good handle on what shingles is.
Never be these people.
When done wrong, we end up with hilariously failed propaganda campaigns.
Just, you know, with less drugs.
We're here to tell you about the creeps who used the respectability granted to them by their diplomas and white coats (mostly the white coats) to do horrible things.
Everyone grows up to realize what a friggin' idiot they once were.
To get down on our knees and grovel over every little disaster we've caused would take all day; is it cool if we just apologize for the Top 5?
This is the closest Cracked will ever get to actual journalism.
We just want this up here as a reference in case the government ever catches on to our knockoff Pokemon business.
Sometimes, people who have near-death experiences report going in a different direction.
In his new column going up tomorrow, David Wong uses the hilariously outdated Billy Joel song 'We Didn't Start The Fire' to illustrate a confounding problem with dominant white and western culture.
In his new column going up tomorrow, David Wong uses the hilariously outdated Billy Joel song 'We Di...
This week we saw revenge, deceit, imbalance, sociopathy - and the everlasting, heartwarming goodness of a WWE legend.
Ever since someone from the days of VCRs discovered the joy found by rewinding certain scenes over and over again, life has been much more hilarious.
The next time my shrink smugly asks about my woods/children practices, I'll be ready with an answer.
I don't want to oversell myself, but I think that over the next two pages we're going to solve this problem forever.
Look, 'Piranha II' was his best film. Just deal with it.
Anyone who tells you only those with a formal education will find success should be kicked right in pants.
Sometimes being an impending blood explosion is wacky, sometimes it's terrifying, but it's rarely ever dull.
How could a label that had Parliament-Funkadelic, KISS, Donna Summer, and Village People in their prime consistently lose money?
Some writers like to get their hands dirty, instead of getting their velvet sweatpants dirty.
When you actually take the time to examine the gender assumptions present in these images, shit gets real weird real fast.
And, really, caused the downfall of the Internet.
It turns out that this whole thing is more complicated than anyone seems to realize.
Here's what to look out for so you don't get swallowed by the angry, gaping maw of predatory advertising cleverly disguised as articles.
What I am finding as time goes on is that we are all secretly Billy Joel.