Except for the Pastafarian afterlife, because who wouldn't want to eat noodles for eternity?
We're reasonably sure that the most ingenious 'video game plot' these days is the one designed to scam you.
Most these movies could've been solved in minutes by a trip to the Dollar General.
Spoiler alert: Actors are not the same people as the roles they play.
These cartoonish, over-the-top evil schemes that are still less horrifying than their real-world counterparts.
You jerks! I said this was going to happen.
One hopes that when nations refer to their bleak history, they mean centuries ago, and not 'earlier this morning.'
Still more thrilling than the presidential election.
The prominent philosophers The Righteous Brothers once warned...
Many of the byzantine horrors we see today were thought up by writers standing in line to buy a new mattress -- or something equally boring and mundane.
Start hoarding now, folks.
Whoever decided to turn animals that want to eat us into cute snuggle bugs is a brave, brave soul.
The one things today's fans seem to have forgotten: It's about the journey.
Children and entertainment mix about as well as alcohol and prescription meds -- which, incidentally, often end up being their primary diet.
Disney's story ends what Tolkien started.