One can't help but cynically assume that the Super Supper Salad Loaf was a conspiracy between Hellmann's and the U.S. government to get visiting service members so sick of home that they couldn't wait to go back and curb-stomp Hitler. To prepare a dish that will make one nostalgic for the horrors of war, I began by hollowing a long roll of bologna mostly unseen outside of Saturday-morning cartoons. (Seriously, it took 15 minutes of convincing my local butcher to sell me an uncut pound and a half of bologna.) Once I hollowed my meat tube, I needed to fill it:
[INSERT YOUR OWN INNUENDO HERE]
I turned to my old friends mayonnaise, gelatin, mashed peas, and minced onions, who congealed together to form a community of flavors inside the chilled bologna hole.
They're shaped like the two rolls of toilet paper you'll need after eating them.