4 More Recent News Stories That Were Total B.S.

4

There Isn't an Epidemic of Fake Pregnancy Tests (At Least There Wasn't)

According to countless major news sources of varying esteem, ladies across America have begun selling positive used pregnancy tests on Craigslist for $25 to $30 a pop to fellow jezebels looking to trick people into thinking they are pregnant for a few weeks. Each source simply reprinted the story with incredulous outrage rather than trying to determine whether it was actually true, because we apparently don't need things like "data" and "evidence" to tell us that women are ridiculous and will do anything for attention.

Unsurprisingly, a quick Craigslist search in three of the biggest cities in America revealed that the sale of used pregnancy tests is in no way a blazing new trend by any stretch of the imagination:

Craigslist
Not even in weirder parts of "Casual Encounters."

3

That Skyscraper in Spain Totally Has Elevators

A story about a skyscraper in Spain has been making the Internet rounds because the building was constructed with a glaringly major flaw -- it doesn't have any elevators.

Photos.com
"Fuck."

2

The Story About Canadian Soccer Teams Playing Without Soccer Balls Was a Joke on a Radio Show

According to a news story that was first reported on Canada's CBC Radio and then picked up by Opposing Views and the Washington Times, an Ontario youth soccer team has begun playing all of their games without a soccer ball, effectively reducing the "sport" to a bunch of kids running around in uniforms and kicking at phantoms. The decision was inspired by a recent ruling that all youth teams in Ontario would stop keeping score in order to spare children from the negative effects of competition, which include but are not limited to "strengthening character" and "learning humility." The controversy even made it into an Australian newspaper, and it isn't even remotely true.

Jupiterimages/Creatas/Getty Images
"I don't understand. I cross-referenced this with my sources at the Onion Sports Network."

1

Relax Everybody, Jack Nicholson Is Fine

According to the Guardian, Jack Nicholson officially has Alzheimer's and is retiring forever to go die. They even began posting tributes to the actor, as if he was already entombed in one of those creepy Hollywood corpse vaults like Marilyn Monroe, despite the fact that their only source for this information was an exclusive from Star Magazine (which is a tabloid) that cited anonymous "insider sources" for their airtight information. Bafflingly, Business Insider also decided to run the story, and the ball just kept rolling until virtually everyone in the country was convinced that Jack Nicholson was lying on a blanket on his old crazy deathbed.

It took Maria Shriver, of all people, to come out and confirm that there's no need to worry, guys -- Jack Nicholson is totally fine.

Michael Buckner/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

... yeah, he's all good.

He's not losing his memory and he isn't quitting acting, which may or may not be good news to anyone who saw The Bucket List. We hasten to point out that this could have been cleared up with a simple phone call to his agent, but hey, who are we to criticize?