Turns out it's not "zero tolerance" so much as it is a kid with a long record of bad behavior getting suspended (not expelled) when the police came to tell the principal he'd been involved in an incident with guns. Yeah, someone called 911 because they saw unsupervised kids shooting pellets in the road near a bus stop, which is pretty illegal. In other words, there was totally a reason to give these kids a kick in the ass instead of painting them as martyrs.
Don't Believe Anything You Read About the New iPhone
With fanatics of the new iPhone lining up, the media have been sopping up any and all stories that spot some kind of hilarious flaw. For example, the Guardian and Huffington Post ran extensive pieces about how thieves could cut off your fingers to use the touch pad ... even though they simply don't work that way. Apple still cancelled plans for a dong-activated feature, just in case.
Or how about the story that some jackass paid $10,000 for one on eBay? Who pays that much to play Angry Birds? Nobody, that's who -- because, had anyone followed up on what was actually a bidding error, they would have seen that the phone actually went for a little under 1,000 bucks.
"Give or take $9,000. Whatever, I'm a journalist, not a mathematician."
And finally, we hate to break this to you, but contrary to reports by pretty much every news site ever, no one got fooled by the hoax ad claiming that iPhones are now waterproof -- every widely circulated tweet from someone who "lost their iPhone" this way is easily revealed as an obvious joke or clear sarcasm by just looking at the user's profile.
The author wishes to thank Lachlan M. for their knowledge of masturbation law.