But at least those were clearly crimes of passion. What are we to think when two troops in Oregon are hoaxed into a $24,000 order of cookies by some hilarious monster? Well, it turns out that it's partially OK to laugh, because just as quickly as they realized they were duped, these young ladies managed to push half of their supply in a single freaking day. In case you were wondering, that's roughly one week's pay for a professional meth dealer.
"Hey, This Horse Meat Is Pretty Good, Actually!"
We love eating meat so much that we don't tend to care where exactly that meat is coming from ... at least until someone tells us where it's coming from. This was what happened with the big horse meat scandal this month when we learned that a whole bunch of food chains in the U.K. were sticking man's furry car into their meat. It turns out that we love horses just enough to not eat them but not enough to not ride them, putting them somewhere between cows and dogs.
We may have just given McDonald's a dangerous idea.
That said, we do have a way of spinning straw into gold -- more specifically, feeding straw to a horse, killing it, and then selling its meat to buy gold. You see, all this horse-eating talk has left more than a few people wondering just what horse actually tastes like, causing an actual demand for it. Now London pubs are having trouble keeping ol' Seabiscuit on the shelves, selling out their horse burgers in a matter of hours. With serving sizes such as "Shetland" and "Trojan," it's no wonder.
Now, we know what all of you are thinking: You're saying, "This is fucking sick, why can't America get in on this horse-eating action, too?" No worries, guys; we're getting there. The USDA is right on the cusp of approving a horse-slaughtering plant in New Mexico, so get your cowboy bibs ready.
Finally we can ride food while chasing other food.