Think about it -- Frampton spent his entire damn life acquiring degrees covered in fancy calligraphy and nodding with solemn approval at supercolliders. What hope do average jerks like us have against the wiles of breasty fabulists?
Denise Milani, Myspace
"Why yes, I would love to read your Krull fan fiction -- for 30,000 rubles."
Fortunately for you, dear readers, we at Cracked have compiled this handy checklist should you ever find yourself exchanging sexy instant messages with the entire performance squad of the Namibian All-Nude Ice Capades. So if you begin receiving suspicious emails from the N.A.N.I.C. about needing donations for new tassels for the 2014 Winter Olympics, consult this list immediately.