Cyriaque Lamar was Managing Editor of Cracked. He was previously Senior Editor of the Gawker Media science fiction site io9 and Nottingham High School Prom King 2002.
If you Frankenstein-knit together all of the Episode VII rumors -- regardless of veracity -- you end up with THE MOST EXCITING STAR WARS TO STAR WAR IN THE STARS.
This year was not the year you thought it was. So if you wrongly believe what year it currently is, this will be the most important thing you will read all year. Year year year.
WARNING: The scene you are about to witness is a chilling preview of humanity’s future, but not humanity’s far future. Maybe two haircuts from now. And if you’re bald, you will grow a lustrous mane minutes after reading this article. Your scalp will soon sport some real 'Yanni Live at the Acropolis' shit.
