Cyriaque Lamar was Managing Editor of Cracked. He was previously Senior Editor of the Gawker Media science fiction site io9 and Nottingham High School Prom King 2002.
Comic-Con has afforded me some of my fondest memories of my person-who-writes-swear-words-on-the-Internet career. But jumping Jehoshaphat, am I glad to stay home this year.
Here are 10 of the most ominous safety posters ever to grace break rooms across the globe. It's unclear if they improved morale, but these posters certainly filled workers with the fear of a dark and wrathful god.
Many pro wrestlers nowadays craft their ring personalities using some mixture of barbarian aggression and homicidal machismo. But back in the 1980s, things were vastly different.
1980s Indian comic books were the best. Sometimes the English translation was baffling, other times the plots were inscrutable, and -- if you were really lucky -- these twain did meet.
What if you want to hold a confusing party? What if you, the malevolent puppet master that you are, expressly invited those poor bastards who'll return your calls for mind games and bacon-wrapped dates? Simple -- just turn on any of these five songs.
Who the hell do these people think they're talking to? McDonald's CEO Don Thompson? A laptop possessed by the ghost of Maurice McDonald? Mayor McCheese?
