45 Killer Things Actually Said IRL

Ever been in a situation where you were left speechless, only to think of something awesome to say way after the point? These guys didn't have that problem. We asked you to bring us the best one-liners history has to offer and gave $200 to the winner ...

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Where the Hell do you put the bayonet? Chesty Puller, after seeing a flamethrower for the first time. CRACKEDCON

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Entry by sirwillifer

At the time of the First World War, Switzerland had a tiny standing army, but skilled a populace of riflemen. In 1912, Kaiser Wilhelm I asked what mil

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Screw the dialogue, let's wreck AVIS some cars. RERNESE - stuntman-turned-directorh Hal Needham

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Entry by mkad

The first billion is a helluva lot harder. Oil tycoon T. Boone Picken's twitter response to the rapper Drake's tweet The first million is the harde

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Entry by sirwillifer

AWAKE, IRON! Battle cy of the Almogavares, Medieval lberian mercenaries, CS they charged into battle scraping their 'weapons on stones to CIedte ish

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Entry by gicusudoru

HAVE I PLAYED THE PART WELL? THEN APPLAUD AS I EXIT. LAST WORDS OF AUGUSTUS. THE FIRST ROMAN EMPEROR CRACKEDCON

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Entry by AM Smiley

CRACKED GOM A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. - Muhammad Ali

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Entry by Dutch Rudder

I wish you all had one neck and that I had my hands on it CARL PANZRAME CRACKED COM

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Entry by hotrod2001

Ladies and gentlemen, ! don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose. - Exce

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Entry by krakenkraked

Alas, I'm dying beyond my means Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed CRACKED COM

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Entry by Bruce_Wayne

After a failed assassination attempt, President Ronald Reagan says to the operating sur'geonS: I'I hope you're all Pepublicans. CRACKED cO

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Entry by marcia78

CRACKEDCON Once I knew the depth where hope no was, and darkness lay the face of all Then on things. love Helen came and set my soul free. Keller

I have no idea. People who boast about their 1.Q. are losers. -Stephen Hawking, CRACKED.COM when asked about his I.Q.

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Entry by anakedjew

CRACKEDCO The eyes healed in a CON matter of a few days, as eyes heal quickly, mine just heal faster than anybody else. I was back in the strip chub h

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Entry by DoctorNemesis

A personal message from Josip Broz Tito Joseph Stalim to Yugoslavian Communist revolutionary Soviet Dictator, mass-murderer and and frequent target of

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Entry by ChevySpoons

In 1928, Nothing of the convicted sort. New York When asked murderer Appel for his last George words, Appel was to die replied, in the electric chair.

Hurry it up! I want to be in hell in time for dinner. Edward H. Rulloff A noted philologist and criminal, said his last words before being the last

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Entry by Lunachick71

CRACKEDC COM A man who won't die for something is not fit to live. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

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CRACKEDCON The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that in

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Entry by SerraGabrial

When I was a child, my mother said to me, If become you A soldier you'll be 2 general. If become you A monk you'll end pope. up as the Instead, I be

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Entry by mand*

Sf you would not be forgotten, as S001 as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or Do things worth the writin. Benjamin rankli

YeS... a bulletproof vest. James W. Rodgers, murderer, his answer on his final request before being executed by a firing squad. CRACKED.COM

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Entry by crackblind

After fighting in court and staging a 25 day hunger strike for his right to be executed, as well as 2 suicide attempts, Gary Gilmore kissed his brothe

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Entry by sureal

Retreat? Hell, just got here! we -US Marine Captain Lloyd Williams when advised to withdraw by a French officer near ucy-le-Bocage, 1 June 1918 BATT

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Entry by S Peter Davis

In line with tradition, James Allan Red Dog was asked before his execution whether he had any last words. Y'ALL CAN KISS MY ASS.

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Entry by ikcaj

WHILE THEY WERE SAYING AMONG THEMSELVES, 'IT CANNOT BE DONE', IT WAS DONE. -HELEN KELLER

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Entry by RandomSam

Vae, puto deus fio! CI think I'm becoming a god!) -The dying wOrdS of Emperor Vespasian

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Entry by CrazyGreek

CRAGKED AS HIS MARINES WERE PINNED DOWN DURING THE BATTTLE OF BELLEAU WOOD, GUNNERY SERGEANT DANIEL DALY SHOUTED TO HIS MEN: COME ON, YOU SONS OF BIT

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Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds. J. Robert Oppenheimer (father of the atomic bomb) upon witnessing the first tests

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Entry by Arrr0wmanc3r

Retreat Hell! We're just attacking in another direction. -Major General Oliver P. Smith CRACKED COM

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Entry by SorenWinslow

CRACKED.COM I have the altar of God sworn upon eternal hostility against form every of tyranny the mind of over man. ~Thomas Jefferson

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No damn man kills me and lives. Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest's response after being shot by a subordinate officer. Despite surving the

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Entry by Marconi Rebus

Every normal must be man tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist that black flag, and begin slitting throats. -H.L. Mencken TI

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CRACKED.COM CfPi. HENRY Jim PIERSON CROWE YOU'lL NEVER GET A PURPLE HEfBT IDING IN fil FOXHOLE! FOLLOW ME!

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Entry by gicusudoru

CRACKEDOON Don't fear failure. Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail. Bruce Lee

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Go fuck yourself General Paul von ttow-vorbeck After being asked to be a German ambassador by Hitler. CRACKEDCON

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Entry by AM Smiley

CRACKED.COM I wish to have no connection to a ship which does not sail fast; for I intend to go into harm's way. -John Pau Jones

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Entry by gicusudoru

CRACKED.COM My center is giving way, my right is retreating, situation excellent, I am attacking. Marshal Ferdinand Foch WW 1914

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Entry by luvthecubs

YOU MAY ALL GO TO HELL AND I WILL GO TO TEXAS. -Davy Crockett CRACKED.COM

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If something bad haprens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good haprens you drir in order to celebrate. if nothing haprens you drink to

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Entry by sirwillifer

T demolish my bridges behind -then there me is but forward. no choice FRidcjop Nansen - Norwcgian cxplorcr, rcnowncd scicntist, Nobcl pcacc prizc la

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During the 1974 Rumble in the Jungle, after taking everything George Foreman would throw for seven rounds, Muhammad Ali whispered, That all you got

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Entry by gicusudoru

CRAGKED It's better to die on your feet than to live oN your knees. Emiliano Zapata JO5

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When RMS Titanic started to sink, one of the wealthiest passengers on the doomed ship, Benjamin Guggenheim, returned to his room, changed into his eve

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Entry by KyraSoze

THE L GRoW Germa They've got us U.S ARMY surrounded again, Worid TH EEKLY HWAGARINE THIRD ARMOREDS those poor bastards.' CreightonAbrams CRACKED COM