Weirdo Archeological Discoveries

We've all gotten pretty jaded by this point, and literally nobody thinks Indiana Jones movies are an accurate depiction of archaeology. Well, hold onto your fedora. Or grab it, as you're rolling through a rapidly-closing vertical door.

That's right, sometimes archaeologists actually do stumble across something incredibly, objectively weird. Something like ...

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The Greek island of Astypalaia has some of the world's oldest dirty graffiti. The 2,500-year-old archaeological site has tons of dicks, and messages l

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The British Museum has a Babylonian tablet whining about crappy service: 8 9 2 3 4 5 6 7 llo Centimetres B In what reads like an ancient Yelp rant, a

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Gear for snorting drugs was found in a l,000- year-old 000 Bolivian burial site. The snorting tube There were spatulas (made of bone) for crushing psy

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A 16th-century nun's hand is wearing the Infinity Gauntlet. After Saint Teresa's death in 1582, her left hand was taken off so it could be preserved (

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In a Scythian grave mound, 3, ,000-year-old golden bongs turned up. (Likely) fighting in the Bastard Wars They contained opium and cannabis, which the

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Danish archaeologists dug up a 3,000-year-old burnt cheese dinner. They were excited to find a clay pot with a glassy, foamy substance, since organi

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Curse tablets were all the rage in the ancient world. BON BI To get revenge, you could buy a tablet that cursed another person's genitals, buttocks, o

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King Tutankhamun was buried with a g0-degree erection. Egyptologists think it was to make him look like Osiris, as a big F-you to the religious moveme

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A heavily used but intact wooden Roman toilet seat was dug up in England. It's older than Hadrian's Wall (so, at least 1,900 years) and is the only we

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-century Incas buried 100 extravagantly dressed guinea pigs alive under buildings. 20 cm They were sacrificed to bring good fortune, and the fact that

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An 18th-century Spanish statue of Jesus had a time capsule stuffed up its a*s. In 2017, restorers fouNd a hatch on the statue's back with two notes ab

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A luxury dildo was buried in a latrine in a fencing school in Gdansk, Poland. The 18th-century dildo is made of high-quality leather and has a wooden

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A 19th-century vaginal douche was found under Manhattan's City Hall Park. It was found with booze bottles, smoking pipes, and the remains of turtles (

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Blackbeard had an anti-syphilis syringe for his d**k. It was found in the wreckage of his flagship, the Queen Anne's Revenge, along with other insane

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Some miners kept canaries in special cages that could revive them. When the cage filled up with carbon monoxide, a human could seal it off and flood i

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A 1,500-year-old human poop sample had the remains of a whole rattlesnake. 1 cm The poop contained fangs, vertebrae, ribs, and scales. No human skelet

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17th-century witch bottles were full of urine, navel lint, toenail clippings, nails, and more. A CT scan of a witch bottle with urine, pins, and nai

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There was a 19th-century d*k in a box. This 8-inch spring-loaded erotic carved wood novelty box is, well, a wooden d**k that pops out of a box. It s