Cracked Archive - Sex

Cooking for Your Doomed Relationship

Just because some of these demographics aren't as loud as the majority of the cookbook-buying community doesn't mean that their needs should be ignored, right? This is why I'm proud to present my new cookbook.


The 6 (Wrong) Questions Men Love to Ask About Women

A lot of times people honestly ask the wrong question without knowing it. Here are some I see guys continually asking about women, along with the question they should be asking if they actually want an answer.


The 6 Most Baffling Search Queries About Relationships

Despite old adages, love is not permanent. It is an amorphous blob of passion that transforms endlessly, appearing one minute as a flickering light of purpose toward which you struggle, and the next as a quiet hatred sitting in the passenger seat of your car, shaking its head because you forgot to shave.


9 Ways to Get Rid of Bed Bugs

These tiny little blood-suckers which lurk in mattresses and bedding have been spotted in massive numbers in recent years, and if you aren't waking up every morning covered in swollen little bite marks, then frankly, you aren't shit.


How to Talk to Women (According to the Internet)

I don't want to toot my own massive genitals or anything, but I'm somewhere between an expert and a space doctor when it comes to Talking at Women.


4 Lessons Learned Infiltrating a Homeless Community

So, in one of his typical attempts to get me out of the office disguised as an article request,'s Editor-in-Chief sent me out into the world on assignment to learn from the homeless.


Bad Acid and Weird Boobs: Why Burning Man Isn't Worth It

Burning Man is a weeklong event dedicated to self-expression, community reliance and sexual contact under the guise of spirituality. I know this because I went last year for the first and last time.


What Your Condom Choice Says About You [CHART]

If all condoms technically perform the same function--catching ejaculated semen and conveniently storing it for later use--then why are so many varieties available?


Everyone's Dream is Someone Else's Nightmare [COMIC]

No matter how awesome the dream, it's all about perspective.


6 Scientific Reasons Breakups Suck Worse Than You Think

Yes, as if it's not bad enough that you're losing the one person who will remember to inform the singing waiters at Olive Garden that it's your birthday, it turns out that ending a relationship can actually have other awful, long-lasting effects on your life.


5 Widely Believed Dating Myths (Science Says Aren't True)

That's right, you know even less about romance than you thought you did.


How to Subtly Tell Someone They're Creeping You Out [COMIC]

Some people are bad at judging the words that come out of their own mouth ...


6 Famous Geniuses You Didn't Know Were Perverts

Every great figure in history was a sexual deviant. Every single one of them.


Least Adorable Misunderstanding by a Child Ever [COMIC]

The lighter side of, uh ... child molestation.


6 Absurd Gender Stereotypes That Science Says Are True

Ever notice how women be all this this? But men be all like this? Oh it's actually true? Shit.