Cracked Archive - Sex

6 Terrifying Things Nobody Tells You About Donating Sperm

To a young guy with not much money, sperm donation seems too good to be true. Having actually been a sperm donor, I can say that you had better be prepared for a long haul.


14 'Luxury' Sex Toys for the Extremely Rich and Creepy

Some rich people apparently can't stand the thought that they pleasure themselves like ordinary people. So they apparently do it the creepiest, most hilarious way possible.


5 Insane Ways Fear of Masturbation Shaped the Modern World

Back in olden days, doctors had as many cures for masturbation as there were 'symptoms.' Cures that helped shape the world you live in.


Using Occupy Wall Street to Pick Up Chicks

According to some popular search engine listings I've just scoured while looking for article ideas, there are an awful lot of people out there right now who are alone and furious with bankers and interested in Asian teens.


5 Sexual Innovations From People in Your History Text Books

It turns out that the great men and women lauded by society for mainstream discoveries, and the underground smut peddlers who advanced the art of masturbation, are often the same people.


The 7 Most Terrifying Rejected TV Ads

When directors audition, they don't obey standards & practices.


5 Things That Are Totally Unrelated to Hot, Hot Lesbian Sex

Finally, an article that has nothing to do with lesbians, and the many awesome ways they have sex with one another.


7 Terrifying Things They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy

Thanks to sitcoms, romantic comedies and our mother's cuss-filled horror stories, we all know pregnancy is no walk in the park. In fact, pregnancy can cause some horrible, horrible things, like inny belly buttons temporarily turning into outies and ugly-people-making. Not to mention this stuff.


The 7 Sleaziest Mating Rituals in the Animal Kingdom

Mating among animals and insects is no less complicated than it is among humans. It's all about being devious, and when it comes to sex, even the lowest of life forms have mastered the art of trickery, deceit and blackmail.


5 Sleazy Strategies for Turning Any Movie Date Into Sex

How to make the transition from passively enjoying entertainment next to your companion, to actively enjoying entertainment inside her? This question has plagued sensitive young men for years. And sometimes it's just a few simple words that separate post-celluloid sex from rejection.


The 5 Least Romantic Keys to a Happy Relationship

These tips won't win you love, but they sure will keep you in love.


The 7 Craziest Things Ever Done to Get Laid

Men have gone above and beyond the call of duty -- risking life, limb and country in the name of boobies.