Cracked Archive - Sex

4 Perverted Behaviors You Won't Believe Animals Exhibit Too

Don't go thinking that humans are alone in partaking in perverse behavior.


6 Bizarre Ways to Stop Yourself From Masturbating

For the benefit of those wankerati and the just plain curious, I figured I'd check out some of the anti-jiggletime suggestions and try them out myself.


The 5 Saddest Prostitutes in the World

There's a terrible underside to prostitution, and I'm not even talking about the underside of a prostitute


4 Ways You Can Tell the Economy Still Sucks

People like to point to various statistics on growth, employment, and inflation, but ultimately, all those amount to nebulous ink blot tests.


The 6 Most Terrifying Sex Illustrations on Wikipedia

Despite being one of the most visited sites on the Internet, Wikipedia is jam-packed with marvelously janky doodles of dead-eyed humans doing it.


6 Steps to Meeting New People (For the Socially Intolerable)

I present this system to you, illustrated with a few examples from my own experience, so that you can learn from the failure pile that is my life.


The Truth About Romantic Relationships: Charted

When it comes to the opposite sex, the educational system is sure to give us line drawings of the changes their bodies are going through in middle school, but nobody ever tells us what to expect from a relationship with them. We asked you to show us the charts they could have shown us that would have made our dating lives easier.


6 Ways Your Brain Is Sabotaging Your Sex Life

It's true -- our own psychology is constantly working against us. Our heads are full of destructive and downright wrong ideas that we just can't get past, due to biology, upbringing, or both.


The 6 Most Terrifying Examples of 'Rule 34'

I Googled the ungoogleable. And now, with the help of photoshop censorship, I will share with you the awful truth of Rule 34. Get some popcorn!


Why the Dick Pic Is Our Cultural Legacy

This generation has not served up any artistic achievement on par with, say, jazz, or Stonehenge. So now we're stuck with this.


The 6 Geekiest Sex Toys

We live in the sexiest time ever. A sexy, geeky, terrible time.


The 5 Most Poorly Conceived 'Sexy' Charity Drives

Where are our altruistic boners? Where are our mighty loads of giving and caring? Where is the spooge of love and brotherhood? The answer is here, friends.


23 Horrible Ideas for Sexy Halloween Costumes

On Halloween, we're all asked to find creative ways to make other people think about what we'd be like to have sex with. Unfortunately, not all costumes lend themselves to sexiness quite as well as 'Sexy Nurse,' and 'Doctor Penis Hands.'


The 7 Stupidest Ways We're Promoting Abstinence

Abstinence-only education starts with the idea that teenagers listen to adults and manages to get even stupider.


15 Real Sex Toys That Will Give You Nightmares

n ramshackle garages and run-down sweatshops and Cracked columnist basements, disturbing sex toys were being made. And here they are.