Thinking of scaring up some strange ass on the Internet? Sure you are! But find out what those ads really mean, before you end up with a rash/stalker. Below are some common phrases posted by lonely people on Craigslist, followed by translations of what those phrases really mean, and what you'll actually get if you respond.
|"I'm attracted to affectionate men with playful sex appeal, a creative style and a wild love of life."||I'm attracted to a man who isn't hung up on the fact that I'm currently carrying an incurable sexually transmitted disease.|
|"I'm fun and easy going."||I won't ask for your last name. Just send me a one-line message and I'll tug your Johnson till it disintegrates.|
|"I'm single and not looking for any attachments at the moment."||No strings. Just you, me, a bottle of wine, some rubber gloves, a Celine Dion CD, a tube of KY and some Johnson tugging.|
|"I enjoy new adventures, experiencing new cultures and anything that deals with a new and exciting adventure."||Black, white, Mexican-whatever. You could be a morbidly obese bow-legged Chinese acrobat for all I care.|
|"I'm picky to an extent, but it really depends on the person."||I would bone a donkey if no one would find out.|
|"I'd say that I'm confident and I know who I am, but I'm also humbled by life's unpredictability."||Who would have thought I'd get herpes? I thought it was something only street hookers picked up off of Johns while fellating them in bathroom stalls.|
|"I'm comfortable in my own skin and I never see any reason to lie."||Right off the bat I told you about the whole herpes thing. Oh wait, I didn't. But I will. On the first date, or after the first time we have sex or some time really close to right after that.|
|"Sometimes attitude can be more important than looks."||I'm definitely not spending the night, and don't plan on me calling you ever again unless it's very late and I'm very, very drunk. Also, I'll be watching you sleep.|
|"You need to be in shape (or look like you're in shape)."||As long as you have all four limbs and are between the ages of 12 and 93, we're good to go.|
Instagram influencers are often absurd.
Well, this is terrifying.