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Cracked Archive - News

Japan's Super Mario Theme Park Looks Adorable (But Needs More Waluigi)
Japan's Super Mario Theme Park Looks Adorable (But Needs More Waluigi)

Time to go drown our sorrows in a Luigi soda, folks.

12
Reporters Keep Quoting Fake Van Halen Interview (Whoops)
Reporters Keep Quoting Fake Van Halen Interview (Whoops)

Journalists, they're just like your grandma on Facebook!

6
Friendly Reminder That Kellyanne Conway's Daughter Is Still A Kid
Friendly Reminder That Kellyanne Conway's Daughter Is Still A Kid

To steal a quote from that one guy from 2007, leave Claudia alone.

40
'Sweater Guy' Ken Bone Is Not Someone To Listen To In 2020
'Sweater Guy' Ken Bone Is Not Someone To Listen To In 2020

Ken Bone is back, and as undecided as ever.

45
Prisoners Forced To Listen To 'Baby Shark' For Hours as Punishment
Prisoners Forced To Listen To 'Baby Shark' For Hours as Punishment

It's an inhuman punishment, doot doot doo doot doot doo.

20
Gay Twitter Is Taking Over the Proud Boys Hashtag
Gay Twitter Is Taking Over the Proud Boys Hashtag

Finally, a news story that is actually all sunshine and rainbows.

53
Concerts in 2020 Are About To Be So Weird
Concerts in 2020 Are About To Be So Weird

Roblox isn't just for Lil Pump videos anymore.

6
And Now, Compelling Evidence Shrek Is Secretly Jewish
And Now, Compelling Evidence Shrek Is Secretly Jewish

Time to send Shrek an early invite to your Hanukkah Zoom call.

22
Because Of Google, The Internet Thinks A Random Woman Is Jeff Bezos
Because Of Google, The Internet Thinks A Random Woman Is Jeff Bezos

Despite what Google says, this woman is definitely not Jeff Bezos.

9
Trump's Diagnosis Could Unleash Amendment Mostly Used for Presidential Colonoscopies
Trump's Diagnosis Could Unleash Amendment Mostly Used for Presidential Colonoscopies

So far, the 25th Amendment has only been invoked for, well, uncomfortable situations.

67
New Zealand Prime Minister Says She Smoked Weed, Nobody Cares
New Zealand Prime Minister Says She Smoked Weed, Nobody Cares

BRB, going to add Jacinda Ardern to a list of people we'd love to smoke with ...

47
Subway's Bread Isn't Actually Bread, Irish Court Rules
Subway's Bread Isn't Actually Bread, Irish Court Rules

Not all bread rises to the occasion, at least according to a court in Ireland.

48
Couple Breaks Up Over Cans of Beans, Because 2020
Couple Breaks Up Over Cans of Beans, Because 2020

Some relationships just aren't meant to be(an).

17
An Architecture Student Once Stopped a New York City Skyscraper from Collapsing during a Hurricane
An Architecture Student Once Stopped a New York City Skyscraper from Collapsing during a Hurricane

Heroes don't always wear capes; sometimes, they just have a really good understanding of architecture.

21
House Covered Entirely With Budweiser Cans On Sale For $100,000
House Covered Entirely With Budweiser Cans On Sale For $100,000

All together now, '99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer ...'

20