Sticky Kids Everywhere Mourn Loss Of Choco Taco

Summer is the domain of children. Sure, adults might enjoy frozen margaritas and beach trips, but they’ll never match the unadulterated freedom and joy of Summer Break. Months of freedom from the one true responsibility a child has outside of “don’t get into weird vans.” Chief among these childhood summer pleasures is the pool day–a full day of splashing, dunking, and at least one kid getting hurt playing chicken. The absolute climax of which is when you hear the tinny tinkle of the ice cream truck pulling up outside the pool gates like a sweet, sickly siren beckoning chlorine-soaked children to beg their parents for a couple crumpled dollars, all in service of procuring a dead-eyed Spongebob popsicle.

Devastating news for the ice cream community today, however, as cold treat keystone, Klondike, has announced that it will be retiring the Choco Taco. Bad news for ice-cream enjoying children altogether, but particularly devastating for one particular slice of the pool child community, for whom the Choco Taco was their bread and butter. I’m talking, of course, about the Sticky Kid. You know the sticky kid. Usually a boy, he makes his presence known at any and all youth celebrations, and leaves tacky handprints as a marker of his attendance. 

This is the kid who drinks a whole 2-liter of orange soda by himself at a birthday party. The kid who sucks on an Atomic Fireball, and keeps taking it out of his mouth when it gets too hot. He’s like a sugary little human gecko, one that could probably climb halfway up a McDonald’s front window with the adhesive power of his mucilaginous little palms.

The Choco Taco was built for these gooey little goblins. Sugary waffle cone, melted chocolate, fudge-swirled ice cream, all without a single solid handhold or stick in sight. There is no way to consume a Choco Taco without looking like a feral child loose in a chocolate factory. No white towel or new toy is safe. So, if you see your local sticky kid looking a bit sour at the pool, now you know why. I’d say to give them a supportive hug, but only if you don’t like the clothes you’re wearing.

Top Image: Pixabay/Klondike