As the group leader, I go first. I call myself Jayson, adding the Y because I've always wanted my name to be spelled like that. For my occupation, I choose "Banker from Boston" because I'm a doughy Northeastern Jew and "Banker" seems more fitting than "Illinois Farmer."
When selecting the rest of my team, I try to think like someone who is actually mounting a mission across the great expanse of the American frontier. Someone in need of useful people.
Dr. Butt: I choose a doctor because it's always good to have a medic on board, because dysentery. Her name is Butt because I have the mind of a child. Dr. Butt hails from Colorado, where she learned her trade from a medicine woman named Dr. Quinn. As you may have guessed, each of these characters is going to have a backstory, because it would be less fun for me if they didn't, and again, this really is all about me.
Spyder Bob: A slow-witted cow-wrangler from the Texas Territory with a gluten allergy and slight creep vibe who walks with a limp that was caused by a bull's kick to his knee a few years ago.
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He's actually pretty cool about it.
"Healed stupid," according to Spyder Bob. This is not an official diagnosis.
MacGyver: A handy local guy with amazing hair and tiny nipples who is NOT the character from the 1980s television show for legal reasons. He's also an ordained minister and a notary public, should we need such things on the trail.
Your Mom: A semi-reformed hooker with a heart of gold who simply wants to set herself up in a new town where she can start a new life away from all the old dick that she's come in contact with in Missouri. If that's too many "Your Mom" jokes for you, strap in tight, like my spirit animal Karen Carpenter used to sing, we've only just begun ... to make bad sex puns about Your Mom.
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She's kind of a douchebag anyway.