Let's make one thing clear: Donald Trump will not win. Even if the sum of all our political knowledge turns out to be wrong and Trump starts taking primaries, Republican strategists would rather see the GOP burned to the goddamn ground before Trump represents it. Deez Nuts has better odds of victory, and I think no one knows that better than Trump.
Let's take a trip down remembrance road to a simpler time, when America's greatest concerns were importing enough Pokemon cards and wondering if Y2K would doom us to a thousand-year reign of darkness. Donald Trump was running for president and promoting his bestselling book, probably in between watching episodes of Friends he taped on VHS.
Now, in 2015, Trump is running for President and promoting his new bestselling book, and probably watching Friends on Netflix in between campaign stops.
The working title was The America We Still Deserve: Uncle Sam's Revenge.