This sounds obvious, so obvious that you might be a little angry about how much you've paid to hear me tell this to you. But simmer down, and listen to how I came to this startling conclusion.
-cross arms, wait for audience to simmer down-
Thank you, maam. So first we have to figure out where problems originate from. And we want to of course speak as generally as possible. This isn't something easy, like figuring out what to do with all the fat children. That's a specific problem, whose specificity makes it easily solved -- in this case by buying bigger chairs for the classroom. No, if we want solutions for all problems, we have to get to the root of all problems.
The word "problem" originates from the Greek word "problema," which meant "problem." If you look just a little bit further down in most dictionaries, you can find a list of antonyms for problem. One of those antonyms is "solution."
"Ahh," I hear you shouting angrily. "Where do the solutions come from?" many of you are adding, also by shouts. Some of you are saying other, more hurtful things. I'm hearing the word "charlatan" thrown around a lot. Well I'll tell you where we get the solutions. From the future.
Yeah, I went there, didn't I? You guys like the future, don't you? It gives you towering, futuristic erections, doesn't it?
Anything is possible in the future, lady with a surprising futuristic erection.
Let me explain, using an example from the future's nemesis, the past. In the past, we used to have a big problem with the bubonic plague. Killed millions of people. No one could figure out why. Big problem. And it turns out the solution was soap. Where did that solution come from?
The future. They didn't have soap back in the past. Or they did, but they didn't know it stopped the plague. They may have tried burning the soap, or throwing the soap at evil spirits, or really anything instead of applying it topically, which was the real trick. The past didn't know about soap and the future did, which is why the future -- in this case, us -- doesn't have to worry about plagues. Or B.O.
So how do we listen to the future? Well, we all have a limited ability to see into the future. I know, for example, that I am going to shit my pants if I don't use the toilet regularly. That's a small insight, but these small insights can build up, one on top of another, like a turd stalagmite, until we can see deeper into the future. And who's the best at seeing into the future? The keepers of the turd stalagmites. It's the inventors. The creators. It's the people making technologies -- technologies like tiny robots and whatever the cloud is and "fisting video torrents." They're the ones marking the way toward the future.