6

Vengeance Tattoo

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The idea of giving someone a tattoo as a prank or for revenge seems like a hilarious plan if you literally stop thinking about it right there and then switch you brain off or go watch Adventure Time or something. Those incapable of doing that might stop to wonder how you could tattoo a person against their will, given how still you need to sit to get the job done and the fact that an artist is literally tethered in place by the equipment. But just like all male dinosaurs throwing caution to the wind on Isla Sorna and making sweet dino love to procreate, life finds a way!

In this case, a man and his tattoo artist bound and tied down the man's wife, which still probably made for some terrible tattooing, before subjecting her to a vengeance tattoo because the man suspected her of cheating on him. What did they tattoo on her? We don't know, but it covered her arms, stomach, and breasts, so it must have taken a while and was probably awful in numerous ways.

As a happy ending to the story, the artist was sentenced to two years in prison for his part in the dipshittery, while the husband got a longer sentence. Plus, since this happened in Singapore, he was also caned. Literally caned. With a cane!

5

Tattoo Bullies

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Bullying was a lot different when I was your age. Sit here a moment, I need to have my prostate removed and drink an Ensure. Back in the day, bullying was honest work. You didn't like a kid, so you called him fat or poor or gay, and then maybe you beat the ever-loving shit out of him every day until he grew up bitter and resentful and started writing comedy articles. But nowadays bullying is a whole ordeal.

Aside from the fact that schools and special interest groups have to pretend like they care about bullying now, bullies themselves are getting lost in the myriad ways they can make someone's life miserable. Should they stalk you on Facebook? Text you incessantly, because you have to have a phone when you're 12? Push you into a dumpster behind Golden Corral? The choices are endless. And now it seems like tattooing kids is also an option.

A high school boy was threatened with some severe beatings by older students at his high school if he didn't submit to getting tattooed. Being the kind of kid who values self-preservation, he opted for the tattoo and ended up getting a dick on his ass, because of course that's what he'd get.

The kids involved were charged with various assaults, but the victim is going to have to spend a few thousand to have the tattoo removed, barring an unusual desire to keep a forced dick tattoo on his ass for the rest of his life.

4

The Tattoo of Regret

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3

Billboard Face

Liquida Magazine

Billy Gibby is famous for using his body as a billboard. He is covered in sponsored tattoos, including numerous ones on his face, for such visionary websites as minkaxxx.com, hiphopbling.com, libertytaxservice.com, and savemartha.com. Many of the sites no longer exist, and as he grows older, he's having to deal with the unfortunate knowledge that being covered in numerous porn URLs isn't the splendid dream us common folk might think it is.

Stephen Nigl

2

Cattooing

Mirror.co.uk

Russia is a bit of a strange place these days. Their leader is constantly shirtless and hugging animals, everyone has dashcams, and every so often giant meteors rain down from the sky in a blaze of glory. Plus all the Russian mob stuff and the dancing bears. What's the deal with that?

Another Russian trend that may be hard to wrap your head around is tattooing cats. Because it involves tattooing a cat. Who the hell does that? Russians!

vice.com

To clarify, this isn't hip Internet slang or Russian innuendo. They literally take a cat of the hairless variety, sedate it, and then tattoo it. Timur Rimut, whose last name is an anagram of his first and therefore perhaps not a real name at all, posted a video of a procedure in which he gave his cat a tattoo that matches his own. They have matching tattoos. Take a moment to bask in that. He also has the cat's portrait tattooed on himself.

Other Russian cats have appeared online bearing awesome tattoos like the sarcophagus of King Tut, and one little scamp has a full-body spread going on. Classy.

Why tattoo a cat, you ask? Ha ha ha.

1

(Potential) Death by Tattoo

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Bali is one of the world's leading sex tourism destinations thanks to the fact that it has equal appeal for both men and women. While many destinations cater to a male crowd and their deviant urges, Bali has a booming industry of something called Kuta cowboys, local males who are basically gigolos for the pleasure of female tourists. It's fascinating, really. Has nothing to do with this entry other than the fact that you can apparently get HIV from both the cowboys and the tattooists in Bali.

A tourist from Western Australia contracted HIV after getting tattooed in Bali back at the ass end of 2011. The ultimate tattoo nightmare is summed up in that quick and horrible side effect -- if a tattoo artist is too stupid or lazy to follow basic tattooing rules, including sanitation and using clean equipment, then a tattoo gun basically becomes a drooling back-alley penis, shooting infection all up in your body 50 times a second, giving you anything from HIV to hepatitis to serious infections, including necrotizing fasciitis, tetanus, and tuberculosis. If there's something you don't want to have, a filthy-ass tattoo needle or ink could give it to you. Imagine how awful you'd feel if you had the stupid drunken whim to get "YOLO" tattooed on the back of your neck and it gave you polio. God, that's humiliating.

That said, tattoo infections are pretty rare -- they number around 50 a year, and most of those are simple skin infections that clear up quickly. In fact, the CDC hasn't logged any cases of HIV infection from tattoos in the U.S. at all. But still, if you're heading to Bali or Bangkok or some other foreign port because you maybe want to see the local wildlife and/or hump the locals, don't get tattooed while you're there. Consider this is a PSA.