As you may have heard, Sam Raimi's fourth installment of the Spider-Man franchise has been scrapped in favor of a gritty reboot with a brand new cast, writer and director. I've mentioned before several hundred times on this site what a huge Spider-Man fan I am, which is why I feel uniquely qualified to pen the script for this reboot. Sure, Raimi may have done a fine job with the first two films, but it takes a real Spider-Man fan like me to completely capture the character. His web-slinging, his trademark wit, a third thing- I've got it all. Which is why I have no shame in publicly displaying a few excerpts from my draft of Spider-Man 4 as well as some concept art I've been working on.
*Studio note: I make audio recordings every time I have sex, and Dan's Mix 1 is sort of a greatest hits of that. This is probably what'll get us a hard R rating. Not because there's audible humping (though there is), but because I curse. A lot.
Things could always be much, much worse.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
You've probably never heard of it.