There has never been a thinker in human history quite like Homer. And no, we're not talking about the walking boredom factory who wrote The Iliad. In honor of history's greatest mind, we put this scientifically accurate diagram of Homer Simpson's brain on our high-impact Plexiglas crystal (and battery powered!) wall clocks. How could a man who periodically forgets to breathe and regularly confuses pictures with real people be the greatest philosopher to grace mankind? Well, let us ask you this: Could you do what Homer does with roughly 55 percent of your head space occupied by donut?
Hanging metal prints in your home is the new trend in the postmodern aesthetic, and nothing says postmodern like a super-charged Mecha-Urkel crushing the Winslows in his hand. At first glance, you might mistakenly think this robotic nerd is in a homicidal rage, but upon further inspection, you'll notice the regret in his eyes. "Did I do that?" he cries out, surrounded by the dead. "Did I do that?" he repeats, looking at the metal form that he built for himself. "Did I do that?" he says as he collapses to his knees, his humanity all but lost.
The wires! They're closing in!
Don't move. Swing an Apple product at them like a torch, because if there's anything that wires despise, it's Apple products. But most importantly, remain calm. The Cracked Store is here to get that rat's nest out of your living space and into some dusty drawer where it belongs.