6 Cracked Items You Need To Recharge Your Life (And Phone)

As technology becomes a bigger part of our daily lives, we're forced to collect the array of wires and doohickeys that are required to keep those devices going. If your family owns more than one phone, your living room looks like the back of Brainiac's skull.

Help, Cracked! I'm tangled in a web of cords!

We feel your pain. That's why the Cracked Dispensary and the Cracked Store are teaming up to streamline those wires and efficiently charge those devices. So put down the wire cutters. Help is on the way.

The only thing better than hanging out with the After Hours gang is getting to shower with them, and now you can with our After Hours shower curtain! Lather, rinse, and repeat as you ponder pop culture's most vexing questions, like "Why did every '80s sitcom kill off the mom?" and "Does Captain America actually suck?" A shower curtain won't necessarily help power your devices or reduce cords in your home, but nothing gives you a nice charge quite like lathering up while looking into Soren's eyes.

There has never been a thinker in human history quite like Homer. And no, we're not talking about the walking boredom factory who wrote The Iliad. In honor of history's greatest mind, we put this scientifically accurate diagram of Homer Simpson's brain on our high-impact Plexiglas crystal (and battery powered!) wall clocks. How could a man who periodically forgets to breathe and regularly confuses pictures with real people be the greatest philosopher to grace mankind? Well, let us ask you this: Could you do what Homer does with roughly 55 percent of your head space occupied by donut?

Hanging metal prints in your home is the new trend in the postmodern aesthetic, and nothing says postmodern like a super-charged Mecha-Urkel crushing the Winslows in his hand. At first glance, you might mistakenly think this robotic nerd is in a homicidal rage, but upon further inspection, you'll notice the regret in his eyes. "Did I do that?" he cries out, surrounded by the dead. "Did I do that?" he repeats, looking at the metal form that he built for himself. "Did I do that?" he says as he collapses to his knees, his humanity all but lost.

The wires! They're closing in!

Don't move. Swing an Apple product at them like a torch, because if there's anything that wires despise, it's Apple products. But most importantly, remain calm. The Cracked Store is here to get that rat's nest out of your living space and into some dusty drawer where it belongs.

The Kinkoo USB charger allows you to charge all of your gadgets at one central hub. Just set it up on the coffee table, and never again worry about tripping over cords or army-crawling under a television set just to charge your phone. Best of all, the Kinkoo's built-in control chip optimizes each port to ensure fast charging for all of your devices. Unless you have a brain fart of Michael Scott proportions, there is no way that you're leaving the house with an uncharged phone.

Nothing makes you want to DESTROY ALL HUMANS quite like a brand-new charging cable that suddenly no longer works. That's why you need the ZUS cable. The ZUS can bend over 15,000 times without problems. And even if you somehow manage to give it that 15,001st bend (are you using these as shoelaces?), it's covered by a lifetime warranty. ZUS cables are built with aramid fiber technology, which is used in aerospace and military applications, meaning they can withstand pretty much anything. Talk about CABLEble. (We'll see ourselves out.)

It doesn't matter what smartphone you have or what supposed battery life they print on the packaging. Give it a year's time, and your phone's energy capacity will be just enough to keep it running until you leave your driveway. The Innori Portable Battery Pack gives your phone and other gadgets the pick-me-up they need by providing an impressive 22,400 mAh of power. And since this pack has three USB outlets, you can practically be your own portable charging station. People love that at parties.

Charge me up!

Sure thing, BFT! Check out all these items and more by clicking on the links for the Cracked Dispensary and the Cracked Store. To go right to the items listed in this article, just scroll up and click the links for each corresponding product. Do it quickly. We have a feeling your tablet is about to die soon.