Last week, Michigan, (ranked 5th in the country), lost to the Appalachian State Mountaineers, (ranked nothing in nowhere). Also, it was opening day. Also, Michigan was at home. Also, this is the biggest goddamn upset in college football history. When you're a nationally ranked, Big Ten team with aspirations of snagging the championship, you do NOT lose to the Junior Varsity. That's not a rule I ever thought I'd have to spell out. For anyone who either doesn't follow sports or doesn't care enough to understand just how devastating of an upset this is, I've provided a handy list of non-sports-related parallels to illustrate:
This should have resulted in years of therapy.
Sometimes it's just a matter of making the US Department of Defense look, like, REALLY cool.
Actual impending doom like global climate change or mass extinction just makes people bored.