you gave them antibiotics.
When It Would Work:
If you drop the stupid whip it is possible to cripple someone with keys, but if you're the sort of person who can pop eyeballs with an inch of Chubb then you're not going to be mugged. Or even talked to by anyone but police negotiators and black ops captains bringing you back for one last mission.
Patent Application Number:11/200,493
First off, I'd like to say it's really sweet of the patent office to allow Special Applications. That image isn't just a patent description, it's an adorable simpleton's fantasy of how their pregnant mother could have stopped the bad man from punching her in the belly before they were born.
When your patent spends a page identifying a chunk of wood, you might not be "inventing."
The patent text is missing words, commas, and entire subclauses, but since the inventor is clearly missing entire chromosomes we won't mock that too hard. She desperately wants her idea to look clever; a task neither her nor her idea is equal to. She describes a log as a "natural cylindrical elongated section of a natural growing tree," and uses more words to describe hollowing it than most scientists use to describe quantum theory.
She doesn't really understand the patent process, but fifteen pages into a patent for wood that shouldn't surprise anyone. The method section includes detailed descriptions of how to attach Forstner bits to your drill using a chuck key, not realizing that when things already have people's names like that, they've probably already been invented.