9 Self-Defense Gadgets Your Mugger Will Find Hilarious
Technology has always been about making the world a better place: one with less of your enemies in it. Jet engines, computers and radar were invented by geniuses in wartime, but we're looking at the inventions of idiots during peacetime, and the result is more ridiculously contrived self-defense systems than Jackie Chan's career. Some were so stupid they weren't even given patents, and the US patent office has given patents to a stick and a vaginal bong. Unfortunately, neither was a euphemism.
The Self-Defense Memo Pad
Patent Number: 5,823,572
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Revolver Flick-Bayonet
Patent Number: 946,132Related: 5 Shocking Ways Enemies Worked Together During Times of War
Drug Detecting Stir Stick
Patent Application Number: 9/923,507Related: 5 Street Drugs Your Doctor Might Prescribe You Someday
(Barely) Stabbing Ring
Patent Number: 5,588,214
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The Key-Whip!
Patent Number: 4,460,174
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Log Purse
Patent Application Number:11/200,493
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The Throttlin' Strap
Patent Application Number: 10/098,657
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Bat'leth Shopping Bag Handle
Patent Number: 5,509,708Related: 6 Baffling Mistakes Criminals Apparently Make All the Time
Plowgun
Patent Number: 35,600
For more self-defense systems which get their owners the beatings they deserve, check out The 13 Most Irresponsible Self-Defense Gadgets Money Can Buy. If you've given up on gimmicks and want to turn your body into a weapon, read 5 Insane Fighting Manuals (You Probably Shouldn't Listen To).
Luke McKinney's main self-defense strategies are friendliness, buying drinks, and Down-forward-HK into EX Thousand Foot Kick. He also tumbles and has a website.