must resist the urge to fall in love with your criminal, and to free him and go on crime sprees with him, which, if you'll recall, was the exact opposite intention you set out with.
An Example:
"And that's why Teddy Roosevelt was the most badass president," I explained. Seeing her stare up at me, baffled, I started crying. "We're really doing it, aren't we? We're totally Stockholm syndroming! Let's never lose touch after this. People always say that, but let's really mean it!"
Eventually the police will show up, and after they try to arrest you for sitting on a teenage girl for 10 minutes, things will eventually get sorted out, and you'll be acknowledged a hero. The main thing to remember is to be honest and cooperative; police officers will often be a little prickly about citizen's arrests, because of I think a union thing, and you don't want to aggravate them further. Just be polite and say that you're definitely not thinking of doing this again, even if you're already mentally shaking hands with the mayor and promising him that the city will no longer know fear.
"And this key to the city is awarded to Darren Mitchell, who, having saved the president from ninjas, proved that, indeed, he was a Bad Enough Dude."
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An Example: "So that's what happened," I said, trying to adjust my shirt/jacket, which, after the day's events, was now irrevocably bound together and twisted up under my armpits, exposing about 12 inches of midriff and a nipple. "Can I put my hand on her head when she gets put in the police car?" I asked. "So she doesn't hit it on the door frame? You know. I think it would be a nice capstone for my whole citizen's arrest experience." "She's not under arrest," the police officer said. "She was trying to return your wallet to you. You were dragging it behind you on a string when it fell off. Eight witnesses have come forth to say that." "I see. And you think this hurts the case? Should we check with the D.A. first, before making any rash decisions?" "No." "Well, if she's innocent, why didn't she say anything?" "She appears to speak English as a second language." I frowned. That would explain a few things. All the Chinese cursing -- that was one of the things. "She'd have tons of time to work on that in prison," I suggested. "There's only one person here at any risk of going to prison," the police officer said. "Is it you? Because of work-related duties?" That wasn't the angle he was getting at, as I would discover when he placed me under regular arrest. So that's it. I guess if there's one final lesson I have for you in all of this, it's that if you find yourself in a holding cell after making a citizen's arrest, it's advisable to have a cover story for why you're there. The fellows there did not take too warmly to having a citizen arrestor in their midst and spent the next several hours placing me under citizen's arrest in a variety of ways that, really, just mocked the sanctity of the act. _________________________
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