More Potter! More Batman! More Kong! Think of all those times your friends couldn't decide on where to eat, and ended up hungrily dining at the hot dog place you've been to a million times. Studios are too big to try something new and risky, which is why Warner Bros. announced that Batman was coming back to us just one year after The Dark Knight Rises came out. It's why they are now doing ten DC films in the next decade. It's why they announced a King Kong prequel to an audibly confused Comic-Con audience.
Probably Jack Black.
It's why they're taking a 42-page J.K. Rowling book and turning it into as many movies as they can. They've even created a special task force for stretching the franchise to its ultimate limits. It's promoting the Pottermore website, setting up theme parks, and producing the story-continuing stage play that will no doubt be stretched out into four films.
West End/Palace Theatre
"Plays have interludes, right? That's two more."
And I'd be lying if I said that Warner Bros. was the only studio doing this ...
Disney is doubling their carbon emission to make sure.
Disney plans to release Star Wars movies every year until everyone gets sick of watching them or the sun explodes in a cacophony of screams and hell rain -- whichever happens first. You might think that's good news, but any Star Wars fan might recall that the charm of the original trilogy partly came from the fact that it told a complete goddamn story, and was not a purgatorial series of connecting events for the rest of time. Not unlike how any Harry Potter fan wouldn't want the last feeling they have for the series be a mixture of pity and disgust as the franchise begs at their feet after 30 years of sequels and spinoffs.
Warner Bros. had an amazing long-term relationship with a magical brown-haired boy and his wizarding goings-on. And like everyone trying to get over their ex, they are now banging every chestnut floozy who reminds them of what once was.
Ah, yes, The Theory Of Everything I Don't Want.
By the taint of God they will either make billions or die dragging all our favorite characters down with them like a dying sea serpent. And it's up to us to stop enabling their compulsion by having the strength to say "no" ... starting now.
Or maybe after Batman v. Superman, since Affleck looks hella swole and it'd be stupid not to check that out.
If you're Ben Affleck and want to go hang out, or just talk on the phone or something, you can hit up Dave on his Twitter.
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