Air pressure and heat supposedly "stimulate 20 acupressure massage points" and "[Decrease] wrinkles to keep your eyes healthy and beautiful," because these products are sold with more technobabble than a bad Star Trek episode. In practice, it feels like a warm robot is prodding you while birdsong plays through the headphones. That relaxing sound is offset by the whir and hum of the machine, which suggests that the birds are being fed through a meat grinder.
The five-minute session left me with a mild headache for 20 minutes, which is either the sign of a faulty massage product or an underwhelming first shot in the robot revolution. You may scoff at the latter theory, but gaze upon the unsettling sight of a row of people using them, and try to tell me the machines aren't planning something.
It's like The Matrix crossed with an especially dull waiting room.
The competing iSee 360 Eye Massager "generates a micro-current of multiple frequencies via a hi-tech IC chip, which concentrates on important acupuncture points in the eye and the brain." This supposedly relaxes the brain, strengthens your memory, and improves your eyesight, among other dubious and unproven claims. And get this -- it stimulates blood flow and increases oxygen supply! Wow! Science isn't my strong point, but I think their descriptions translate to "This machine uses electricity, and no one can be bothered to prove that it doesn't help, so suck on some buzzwords!"