5

We Don't Teach Girls How To Express Their Anger, So They Need A Surrogate

We describe teenage boys as "angry," but teenage girls are just "emotional." The difference isn't actually in how much anger girls feel, but in how they express it. Girls are three times more likely to self-harm than boys -- their anger gets directed inward. Instead of hating the world, we end up hating ourselves.

Think of all of the healthy outlets for anger that are provided for boys. Contact sports, slasher movies, aggressive music, violent video games -- those are all marketed to boys, always with the assumption that they're the ones who need a safe place to put that destructive energy.

It's not that girls are forbidden from doing those things, but culturally they're definitely discouraged. (The video game community is famously a kind and accepting space for a blossoming young woman, right?) In any movie or song intended to be shocking and aggressive, women are almost always going to be the targets of the violence, not the perpetrators. Society winds up sending the message that when it comes to rage, men are the source, and women the receptacle. So some girls take their anger and filter it through a "dangerous" boy.

4

We Tell Them Creepy Dudes Are Hot

What's hotter than someone who breaks into their girlfriend's house to watch her sleep (like Edward in Twilight), or who can't stop punching people (like Noah in The Kissing Booth), or who mutilates a woman (like Jughead on Riverdale)? The standard for normal behavior of a teenage boy in media is super low. Seriously, I googled "teen heartthrob," and the top results look like they could go above the words "still at large."

3

We're Really Bad At Portraying Abusive Relationships

If you go to any convention or other function in which you're allowed to show up in costume without people thinking it's weird, you'll see plenty of Joker and Harley Quinn couples costumes. If you hang around outlets in which young girls post memes, you'll see plenty of things like this:

2

They Can See Aggressive Men As A Shield

A 2016 study found that women who perceive themselves to be at greater risk of victimization tend to prefer physically formidable and dominant men. This is regardless of whether they actually are at a higher risk of victimization -- it's only their perception that matters. Well, let me tell you that no one on Earth feels more at risk than a teenage girl.

Little girls are beloved by society, while teenage girls are reviled. We hate the way they talk and dress. We mock the music they listen to, the TV shows and movies they watch, the books they read. When the backlash to Twilight occurred when it first came out, it wasn't driven by people calling it problematic; it was the world turning up their noses at these shrieking girls in their Team Edward shirts. Teenage girls are trendsetters, and every new fad is met with derision.

From a girl's perspective, overnight, grown men start flinching when you approach them, like there's a sign on your forehead that says "DANGER: DO NOT ENGAGE UNTIL OVER 18." Or even worse, men who've ignored you your entire life are suddenly way too interested, in a way that makes you super uncomfortable.

The idea of having a homicidal boyfriend to put between yourself and the rest of the world doesn't sound like such a bad idea. Especially because a lot of those guys who are way too interested in you won't respect you as a person, but will totally respect you as the property of another man. See, because then grabbing your ass would be like denting that scary dude's car, and he doesn't want any trouble. At the time, whatever leaves you unmolested sounds like a good deal, even if that big aggressive dude you're dating occasionally turns that aggression on you.

1

They're Empathetic At The Expense Of Their Own Safety

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, one common reason people stay in abusive relationships is that they want to help their partner, or believe they're the only one who can change them. They're trying to save an asshole from himself at the expense of their own safety. This urge is so strong that it manifests itself in even weirder ways. The Menendez brothers, Ted Bundy, the Night Stalker, and both of the Hillside Stranglers got married in prison. The Parkland shooter has already received hundreds of letters offering friendship, sympathy, and suggestive photos.

We've talked before about how men are taught that society owes them a pretty girl. Well, girls see those same messages, and what we learn is that we are a tool for making men better. We're what motivates a hero to get off his ass and be heroic, so that he can get a big old us prize! We could watch a whole lot of movies in which our only role is to be there to support or motivate a man.

Sure, a teenage girl might want to date Freddy Kruger so he can protect her and/or vanquish her enemies, but at the end of the day, she thinks he'll put away the claw hands and use his dream-haunting powers for good, purely through the healing power of her love. It's her job to help him realize his full potential, to tame the darkness inside him, and make sure he feels loved and supported through the whole thing.