4

Auto-Aiming Guns

If you've ever been to a gun range, you probably know that, no matter what your political affiliation, holding that weapon just makes you feel cool. Suddenly you are Dirty Harry or Doc Holiday. At least until the target sheet comes lumbering back, completely unscathed. Then you hate guns again and the sun was in your eyes, and, hey, the A-Team always missed as well, and they were still awesome.

Amazingly, technology now exists to make you and (more importantly) military snipers a perfect shot almost every time.

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Yeah, that is probably an appropriate reaction.

3

Super Vision

Even though the military has access to radar, sonar, heat-seeking missiles, etc., in the end they are still limited by what their soldiers can actually see. But the military-industrial complex has never stopped trying to improve our weak and feeble eye abilities.

The Massachusetts Institute of Technology recently built the military a fun new toy that literally sees through walls. It might look like a combination of outdated computers and a post office, but it was built to assist soldiers during urban combat by giving them access to one of Superman's best powers.

YouTube
Go ahead and try to put some junk mail in there, we dare you.

As you learned in elementary school, the whole reason we can't see through stuff is because our eyes only work when light bounces off something. Since light can't go through walls, all we see is the wall. But about 1 percent of microwaves can make it through solid objects. So, by bombarding buildings with microwaves, the receivers on the cart can tell if someone is inside. OK, it looks more like a 2-year-old with a Lite-Brite than a live stream, but hey, let's see your X-ray vision machine, killjoy.

YouTube
Is that a hurricane blowing in?

Terrorists do have one advantage in this situation, though. The device can only locate moving objects. We're not here to help people who are up to no good, but if you are planning on doing a little terrorizing, it might be best to treat your meetings like a mortally dangerous game of red light/green light.

2

Space Warfare

By now people have gone to war on pretty much every inch of the Earth (you're next, Antarctica). And since video games have taught us that we inevitably get sick of killing people in front of the same scenery over and over, the next logical place to take war is outer space. Don't scoff; the technology is already available for some celestial ass-kicking.

China has already started testing its anti-satellite missiles, which, if ever utilized in warfare, could completely cripple countries who depend on the technology. Imagine the chaos if every satnav in America stopped working at the same time. The nationwide pileup would be epic.

But the U.S. has its own space age technology. The X-37 Orbital Test Vehicle (or OTV) started out as a NASA project, but was taken over by the Department of Defense. It says a lot about its "killing everyone" capabilities that they took it away from the science guys and gave it to the people always looking for a better way to blow stuff up. The OTV looks kind of like a miniature space shuttle with a trap door underneath and doesn't need to be piloted by a human crew. The DoD started sending prototypes to orbit the Earth for hundreds of days at a time, then landing them back on Earth. No one seems to know exactly what they were sent up for, but there is a pretty solid theory.

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Please, please be something about peace and love.

1

Human Exoskeleton

Even after the military has beaten them into perfect physical specimens, human bodies are still annoyingly fragile. Soldiers can carry around 100 pounds, which is impressive, but over long distances in intense heat their bodies will eventually break down. The most common reason for a military discharge is simple physical wear and tear. No matter how many amazing weapons these mad scientists dream up, there is always going to be one major problem with the military: It has people in it.

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Those lazy snipers are always lying down.

Since we can't have an all-robot Army just yet, our good friends at DARPA have stepped in and invented a kind of Advanced Warfare wearable exoskeleton that will make the average soldier as close to a robot as possible: faster, stronger, and less likely to get injured. Suddenly, those 100 pounds are going to feel like 50, allowing real live soldiers to push themselves much further. Sometimes called the Iron Man suit, this technology is actually named Warrior Web, and it is unbelievable. It is lightweight, but strong. Flexible, except when it needs to be firm. Soldiers wearing it can theoretically run a four-minute mile. It incorporates a liquid armor that can stop bullets and prevent chemical weapons from entering the body. It once dated Jennifer Lawrence and can solve a Rubik's Cube in under a minute. That last bit might be made up, but honestly, it is really hard to tell.

U.S. Army
Who doesn't love a man in space age spandex?

But even more amazing is the health technology included in the Warrior Web exoskeleton. By monitoring all the vital signs of his or her soldiers on a network, a unit leader can decide who needs to fall back, who needs to advance, and who needs a medic, all during a real battle situation. And this suit isn't just in the theoretical stages; they have already tested it on soldiers and have found it has "enormous potential."

U.S. Army

For more from Kathy, check out 4 Ways We're Programmed to Think Women Aren't Funny and 5 Unfortunate Biases Hard Coded into Your DNA.