No one, that is, except for that one guy. He's probably called Chad or Steve, and chances are he does weird things to kittens in the basement until he grows up to be a business consultant. But right now, he's spraying you head to toe with that absurdly overpowered Super Soaker his parents got him for his birthday instead of love, and kid, that's not water.
Fast-forward a couple of decades, and Chad-or-Steve is somehow in charge of a weapons program, and what he's creating is the exact thing you assume. No, not murders (he does that in his spare time). I'm still talking about water pistols that are filled with things that smell funny, only now, it's capsaicin. Behold, the latest in water-pistol riot control:
"Why are your pants wet? I shot you in the fa- oh."
It's called the JPX Jet Protector, and it's essentially a gun that shoots a torrent of liquid pain into your face from a much farther distance and with more accuracy than your average tear gas spray could ever hope to achieve. It also has the worst fucking marketing team in the world, considering that this quote is actually used in the promotional video:
"Johnny Piexon's Invisible Masturbation Cape: With our products, the world is your bukkake!"