4

A Suspected Terrorist Went Missing For Months

iStock/nicholas belton

3

Brazil's Most-Used Messaging App Might Not Work During The Olympics

whatsapp.com

In times of crisis, communication is vital. I think it's safe to say the world is expecting a lot of crises to jump off in Brazil over the next few weeks; here's hoping the people who live there will be able to stay in touch while it's all going down. Are you familiar with WhatsApp? Sure you are! Maybe you even use it, you tech-savvy son of a bitch!

You know who else uses it? A whole lot of people in Brazil, where it's the most-used messaging app of all. However, the relationship between WhatsApp and the Brazilian government has become a bit strained recently, and that's putting it very mildly. In fact, on three separate occasions over the last few months, the government has tried to cut off access to the app. The ban was lifted before it could take effect in most of those cases, but one of them did result in the app going down for several hours at one point.

Pixabay
This is what all of America would look like if we lost messaging capabilities for even one hour.

What, you may be wondering, could be so damn important about an app that government officials who are already stretched thin trying to make the Olympics happen in a non-disastrous fashion are still finding time to devote to shutting it down? Well, in December of last year, WhatsApp was ordered by a judge in Brazil to hand over messages exchanged between suspects in a child sex abuse case who'd been communicating using the app (which is owned by Facebook, for the record).

Lawyers for WhatsApp claimed those messages aren't stored on their servers, so they couldn't provide them even if they wanted to. That judge didn't believe them and ordered the service to be shut down until the company complied with the court's request. The ban was ruled to be a violation of the people's right to freely communicate (WhatsApp argued this point also), and it was overturned. That entire process was then repeated two more times.

2

Sochi-Level Homophobia (Worse, Actually)

Pixabay

Remember back when the Winter Olympics happened in Sochi and everyone was concerned about how Russia's recent history of rampant homophobia would mesh with hordes of foreigners, some of them gay or transgender, all showing up at once?

We haven't heard much talk along those lines as it pertains to the Olympics in Brazil, at least not in a widespread way like with the 2014 Winter Games. Seems like good news on the surface, but it's really just another testament to how the deluge of Olympic horror stories we have to sift through right now means some of them don't get the attention they deserve. As it turns out, homophobia-fueled violence is more of a concern in Brazil than pretty much anywhere else in the world.

I know, that sounds like hyperbole, but it's true. Some experts have labeled Brazil the world's most dangerous place to live for members of the LGBTQ community. Over the past four years, it's estimated that 1,600 people have been hate-crimed to death in Brazil. That's fucking insane, even for a country that excels at unmitigated violence like few others ever have or will.

It's customary to include a City Of God reference when discussing Brazil. This felt like the right spot.

1

Part Of The Olympic Village Is Built On Top Of A Mass Grave Of African Slaves

iStock/Nastco

Have you seen the movie Poltergeist? Do you remember the plot? If you answered no to either of those questions, heads-up, there are spoilers ahead. Also, that movie came out in the early '80s; if you needed that spoiler alert, you're the problem.

Anyway, about that plot. Basically, a family moves into a home only to find that it's haunted because (surprise!) it was built on top of a Native American graveyard, although I'm sure they still just called them Indians in the movie. It was a pretty brilliant twist, because at the last possible moment, it made the "evil" spirit that had been terrorizing the family just another victim of the real monster, rich white men.

What I'm getting at is this: If the ghost of an African slave fucks somebody up at the Olympic Media Village this year, wait to hear all the facts before you rush to judgment.

Pixabay
Above: The Olympic Media Village (pre-haunting)

You see, Brazil has a long and extremely unfortunate history when it comes to slavery. One heinous enough to more than rival our own. In fact, they were the last country to abolish slavery. The last. Like, out of all of them. In the world. At the height of the slave trade, they were the world's largest importer of African slaves.

So, it should come as no surprise that mass graves filled with African slaves can be found all over Brazil. It should come as even less of a surprise that land developers gave not a single shit about this when it came time to put up buildings to house the throngs of World Cup and Olympics patrons who would soon be converging on their country.

As you've probably guessed from all the buildup here, one of the buildings that was erected, a condominium complex that serves as the Olympic Media Village, was put right on top of one of these graves.

Were people outraged? Yeah, of course they were! Still are, in fact! It's just that, again, there's way too much happening in Rio right now for everything to make headlines. This is just one of those problems that the world won't confront until a corpse literally reaches up through the cement floor of the Olympic swimming pool and drags Michael Phelps to hell. While I admit that would make for fantastic television, I'd much rather there not be structures built on top of where dead people are trying to rest.

Adam has a Kickstarter that you should donate to and a podcast that you should subscribe to on iTunes. Maybe follow him on Twitter @adamtodbrown as well.

What's the best fictional school to attend? In the muggle world, we're not given the opportunity for a magical hat to tell us which school we should go to. Usually we just have to go to the high school closest to where we live or whatever college accepts our SAT scores and personal essay. This month, our goal is to determine what would be the best fictional school to go to. Join Jack, Daniel, and the rest of the Cracked staff, along with comedians Brandie Posey and Steven Wilber, as they figure out if it's a realistic school like Degrassi or West Beverly High; an institution from a fantasy world like Hogwarts, with its ghosts and dementors; or Bayside High, haunted by a monster known only to humans as Screech. Get your tickets here!

Learn why the Olympics are awful in 5 Things They Don't Want You To Know About The Olympics, and find out why boycotting them won't do a thing in 4 Reasons We Were Right Not To Boycott The Olympics.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see why we're glad it isn't 1980 in The 3 Worst Lessons Taught By '80s Sports Movies, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook, because what's best for Cracked is best for America.