The funny thing is, the building of Central Park evicted about 1,600 people from their homes (well, shanties), but he's only damning the existence of a public park. How is a man supposed to enjoy any of this green space knowing any filthy plebeian can cross his path?
Oh, I forgot to mention: He complains about it all in the form of a poem. No, seriously, go back up and click the play button. Then watch it 10 times in a row. It doubles as the world's most efficient sanity test kit.
Sincere or Satire?
This isn't the worst poem you've ever read, but it's certainly the worst ever spat at you contemptuously by its author. Jiminybot can't fit in with your society, man. He's too rational, too independent! He utters the word "public" in the crackly tone of a particularly dry bullwhip. Nature offers him no solace because its caretakers aren't as real as he is. He can't be an individual because the collective didn't give him a choice.
jiminybot via YouTube
He didn't land on the rock in Central Park, the rock in Ce- oh, wait, he totally just landed on that rock.
Nevertheless, the tone of "your friend's always-irrationally-angry dad" makes us ask if he's serious. The emphasis on that last line, "I'd damn you all to hell ... if there WERE one," really gives this poem the edginess of a high school sophomore with a learner's permit. Its brutal condemnation is undermined by admitting it's an empty insult.
This has to be satire. Brilliant satire. Has to be.
... doesn't it?
I don't know, honestly. I would consider this a test of your newfound bullshit-detecting abilities, but it feels like that trick question your asshole teacher throws on a final, then when everyone gets it wrong, the class has an hour-long debate about having it removed from the final score. Actually, that may be the best solution. Let's just pretend this one never happened.
The only things Brendan is sincere about are booze, barbecue, books, and your heart, girl. He's serious on Twitter approximately one out of every 14 tweets.
For more from Brendan on Cracked, check out 5 Reasons Irish People Don't Love American St. Patty's Day and The 6 Reasons Valentine's Day is Always Awful.
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