Things have gotten so out of hand in Prince George's County that the police department there recently launched a campaign called "Arrive Alive" that's aimed at reminding cops to not drive like they're in the movies.
So see, not all police craziness involves wanton gun violence! But sometimes it does! Take it away, Albuquerque!
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If you ever find yourself in some kind of police brutality fantasy league, take the Albuquerque PD in the first goddamn round if they're available, because per capita, no one gets the killing of innocent civilians done as efficiently as those lunatics.
The federal government conducted a 16-month investigation and found that, out of the 21 fatal shootings they reviewed, police were not justified to use deadly force in the majority of the incidents. Keep in mind that these numbers only cover a period of time spanning from 2009 to 2012. During that same period, despite not a single officer being arrested or charged for any crimes, they paid $24 million in settlement money to the families of the victims.
Fast forward to right now, and the APD has upped their kill total to 28, which puts them at about twice the rate of the Chicago PD and eight times higher than the NYPD.
For the record, there are only 550,000 people in Albuquerque.
Again, until very recently, not a single officer had been charged in any of these killings. That finally changed after the sad case of James Boyd, a 38-year-old homeless man who police initially contacted after someone called to complain that he was camping in the foothills of the Sandia Mountains, which is technically a crime, but just barely. When officers tried to pat him down, he pulled out two small knives, at which point the officers did the only reasonable thing: They called in an army of 40 cops as backup. The ensemble included everything from uniformed cops to the tactical K-9 unit.
The gang's all here!
They were eventually able to convince Boyd to pack his shit and leave the mountain, and that's when things really got out of hand. As he was gathering his things, Detective Keith Sandy threw a stun grenade. Someone else fired a Taser. Not wanting to be left out of the party, the K-9 unit deployed their dog as well. James Boyd didn't die at the scene, but he did later at the hospital.
In a refreshing change of pace for how things like this normally play out in Albuquerque, Keith Sandy and another officer, Dominique Perez, are facing murder charges for their actions. They are the first Albuquerque police to be charged with murder for an on-the-job shooting in ... forever. They're the first. Ever.
They probably won't be the last, though! The laundry list of Albuquerque PD offenses is mind boggling. In one incident, they Tasered a man who'd doused himself in gasoline. Guess what the spark of a Taser does to gas? Right, fire! The man caught on fire. They fucking set someone on fire.
THEY SET HIM ON FIRE!
Another terrifying incident involved an officer shooting a fatal round into the chest of a man who, at the time, was lying motionless on his back after already being shot several times. His crime? Fleeing a traffic stop on foot.
It's even spilling over into cop-on-cop violence. In one wacky incident, an undercover cop somehow managed to shoot another undercover cop during a sting operation that involved $60 worth of meth.
Congratulations, Albuquerque PD. You're the fucking craziest.
Adam is on Twitter and you should follow him there @adamtodbrown.
For more from the previous installments of the Justice Trilogy, check out 5 Reasons Police Have Probably Started The Next Civil War and 5 Exonerated Criminals Who Did Worse Stuff After Being Free.
Nightmarish villains with superhuman enhancements. An all-seeing social network that tracks your every move. A young woman from the trailer park and her very smelly cat. Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits, a new novel about futuristic shit, by David Wong.