While the Joes are basically generic action movie characters and Transformers have been thoroughly Michael Bay'd, a series of folks with super powerful masks, riding cars that can transform into awesome things without running the risk of slapping the audience in the face with a pair of giant robot balls has all the makings of a massively awesome popcorn flick. Imagine the production value and general plot of the Fast and Furious franchise, only this time everyone has a face hat that can shoot laser tentacles and flames, and their super cool cars can turn into cannons. Can you? Of course you can, and it's awesome.

Via Toyark.com
As befits a franchise with a logo that looks like this.

I'm not the only person thinking so, either. In fact, certain rumors indicate that the people in charge of the G.I. Joe movie franchise have realized the same thing, and the inevitable G.I. Joe 3 might actually revolve around M.A.S.K..

The BraveStarr universe is basically a Wild West-themed mining planet with some super-valuable ore, of which a number of equally desperado-themed, super-powered Space Bandits want a piece of. Marshal BraveStarr is tasked with keeping peace in this godforsaken place, armed with a bunch of vaguely racist totem-themed powers, a couple of trusty friends, and fucking Balancin' Binky up there. Granted, it's kooky as fuck and pretty damn cliche. However, weird animal powers notwithstanding, as a liberally western-themed space opera with weird and colorful alien characters, it's also pretty much a thematic cross of Guardians of the Galaxy and Firefly.

The more I imagine an unholy union between those beloved franchises, the more I want to see it happen -- and, since an actual crossover seems unlikely to say the least, I think BraveStarr: the Movie might at least be able to capture its spirit. It's not even that far-fetched of an idea: If you look at the figures in the toy line (and the various non-toy characters in the accompanying cartoon), it's basically a movie cast already. You have a hero, a comedy sidekick deputy, a romantic interest, a villainous counterpart called Tex Hex (take a wild fucking guess what his powers are and what he looks like), and a pretty neat rogues gallery. Any solid director with, say, some Marvel chops under their belt should be able to turn that cast and setting into two hours of awesome -- no problem. Even that damn horse thing can probably be a Jayne or a Groot.

Via Nostalgia Rush
Though its cartoon version seems to be keen on pulling a Rocket Raccoon.

The Dino-Riders toy line was introduced to the unwary world in 1988, and I have never understood how it hasn't dominated our collective consciousness ever since. As far as the 10-year-old me was concerned, human culture fucking peaked when I first saw a toy store shelf full of armed-to-the-teeth dinosaurs. Yet, for whatever reason, the franchise lasted only a couple of years before whittling away in 1990. Maybe they were absurdly expensive or coated in every noxious substance known to man, or maybe the same parents who didn't have problem buying their kids bodybuilder figures with pageboy hair and fur underwear somehow deemed Diplodocus tanks questionable. Gun Dinos are no more, and the world is a slightly worse place for this.

So, why not bring them back, Hollywood? Don't you dare tell me an army of weaponized combat-saurs shooting each other in the face is not a concept that wouldn't draw a decent audience. My personal suggestion to direct this thing would be James Cameron (because say what you want about Avatar, the man can create weird sci-fi settings like a boss) or Steven Spielberg (because duh), but really, pretty much anyone that isn't Uwe Boll would do.

Charley Gallay/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
After BloodRayne, it has been OK to tackle this man if he even
attempts to watch a movie with any sort of special effects.

The only truly adamant opinion I have is that Chris Pratt should probably be involved. A man who is a) a veteran of a box office smash hit that features talking raccoons and b) already pretty much a dino-rider should feel right at home in a scene where frog-faced monsters shoot laser cannons at him while he is atop a rabid Tyrannosaurus rex.

And while we're on the subject of high-tech dinosaurs ...

In all honesty, I was never a massive toy buff when I was a kid. I mean, I did have my share of G.I. Joes, Transformers, LEGO and whatnot, and thoroughly enjoyed playing with them. But, my most vivid childhood memories re: toys tend to involve wandering in huge toy stores, just looking at different toy lines and reading the individual action figures' weird-ass descriptions. I liked to imagine stories for these hundreds of toys I would probably never have, and none of the toy lines was more enticing in this respect than Zoids.

Zoids are basically a bunch of giant robot dinosaurs (and tigers, wolves, etc.). There are blue ones, led by a huge-ass T. rex/Godzilla hybrid called Zoidzilla (or Gojulas in Japan), and red ones operating under some sad winged thing that I guess is called Krark. But, I don't really care because when you're planning to fight a giant, mechanized laser Godzilla, there's no point in bothering to memorize your name. And, of course, the red and blue team fight with each other because, in most toy universes, that's what you do when they spot someone with a different color scheme (which, in retrospect, is a pretty horrible message).

Via Lulu Berlu
Shockingly, this is not the face of tolerance.

As actual, physical toys, Zoids represented the ever-popular genre of big-ass, cool-looking toys that were almost impossible to play with because they did jack shit apart from some clumsy battery-powered tumbling around. As a concept, they were something else entirely. As all things even marginally featuring giant robots, the toy line has seen its anime adaptations, featuring the obligatory confusing plot and a largely different set of robo-monsters from the ones I remember. However, there is potential for grander stages.

As much as it pains me to suggest it, let's take a moment to consider the Transformers: Age of Extinction. What was the coolest part (OK, the only cool part) of the movie? That's right, Dinobots. Even Michael Bay can't fuck up robot dinosaurs. Now, take that concept and hand it to a proven "big things beating the shit out of other big things" director like, say, Guillermo del Toro, and watch him go nuts. Shit, he can even call it Pacific Rim 2 or whatever if he likes, I don't give a damn. Just give me my fix of giant robo-dinosaurs fighting mechanical mammoths and laser stegosaurs. That's really not asking too much out of life.