The Saints Row franchise is what you get when you cross GTA with gang warfare, an unlimited special effects budget, and a mild case of fetal alcohol syndrome. Technically, it is a kind-of-sort-of rags-to-riches tale of a gang called the 3rd Street Saints, but to describe its plot is to discuss the color of the cow-sized fist that just punched you in the dick: Sure, it exists, but it makes little difference to the overall situation that just left you fucking floored.
Said overall situation looks a little bit like this:
I'm not even going to describe that video because the rest of this article would be just me typing holy shit aliens holy shit random 1950s sitcoms holy shit superpowers holy shit gang warfare over and over again with one hand while flailing at the controller with the other. If you want to read a dedicated gamer's take on all things Saints Row, I'm the wrong guy anyway. Here, let me hook you up with one Robert Brockway.
But we're not here to gawk at the games' magnificent absurdity today, are we? We're here to make movies. From the mind of Cracked commenter FrankieJay comes this gem of a pitch:
Yes. Yes. Good.
For those of you who haven't seen Crank and its sequel, they're Jason Statham action flicks so insanely entertaining, their only flaw is the slight typo in the title that replaces the second C with an N. They're full of shit like this ...
Stallone would have done this by straight up lighting himself on fire.