PornMD.com: Where Real Porn Search Terms Are Live Streamed for the World to See
Look, I can get all verbose and describe in vivid (and no doubt hysterical) detail all the wonderful, seedy, fantastic, and disgusting reasons PornMD.com is one of the very best sites on the Internet. I can explain to you why PornMD perfectly encapsulates the premise of this column. I can get really deep and philosophical about it, too. I can draw a lot of parallels and make interesting comparisons and try to explain how and why this site is the definitive website to visit if you want to tap into the core of what the Internet is thinking at any given time.
I can do all that, but I won't.
This is all you need to know: PornMD.com is a search engine run by and specifically for all the websites owned by PornHub.com. One of the features of the site is a live stream of all the search terms people from all over the world are typing to find the porn that's right for them. I watched the stream for exactly one hour. Most of the terms were run-of-the-mill porn terminology. Others, though ... they were a bit more specific. This is the best of what I saw:
Bukakke shoot turns violent
I have a wife (NOTE: I'm pretty sure the dude who typed this felt like he was being tempted by Pornhub and was trying to remind Pornhub that he's a faithful, married man.)
Asian street meat anal
He keeps cumming (NOTE: Sounds like a line from a panicked 911 call.)
Strap on fight
Pets quarters of women
Crying please stop
Jerk off encouragement
Eyebrow shave compilation
p***y in ant hill
I could have clicked on any of these search terms and seen what they would have linked me to, but I never did. Why would I? Why would I ruin the mental images these terms spark? I'd rather laugh trying to imagine what kind of porn "Mormon Garments" and "Crying please stop" brings up, than be disappointed/mortified by the actual results.
Luis is sitting in his room of wall-to-wall TVs, and he's watching you. He's watching you all. In the meantime, you can find him on Twitter and Tumblr.
For more from Luis, check out What 5 Internet Celebrities Did After They Got Famous and 4 Obnoxious Behaviors The Modern World Made Worse.
Are you on reddit? Check it: We are too! Click on over to our best of Cracked subreddit.