As Seen In: Oddjob
GoldenEye was a first-person shooter for the Nintendo 64 with an infamously good split-screen multiplayer mode.
Despite looking like the inside of a cubist's bowel movement.
One slight weakness it possessed, however, was its controls, in particular the difficulty in aiming up or down (in the default control scheme, at least). In most sections of the game, this wasn't much of a hindrance, with all the players running around on the same level. It was only when an enemy was substantially higher or lower than the player that it proved to be an issue. Which meant that if there was an enemy who was permanently lower than everyone else ...
He's the perfect height for giving sexual favors and shooting you in the groin, and he's all out of sexual favors.
... he'd have a massive advantage. In GoldenEye, that character was Oddjob, and few people played this ankle biter more than once before instituting a "No Oddjob" rule.
Why It's So Important:
It stopped people from murdering each other.
There's a concept called "balance" that needs to be discussed here. In most sports, opposing sides will have symmetrical powers -- for example, in a basketball game, both sides will have the same number of players, both sides are allowed to pass the ball, and so on. What we don't do is give one side tennis rackets and the other side fetish outfits.
Although maybe we should.
But unlike sports, a huge percentage of modern games (in the board, card, and video genres) are designed to be non-symmetrical. Players are granted wildly different characters and abilities and techniques, and it's this variety that makes these games so interesting and fun. Anything that interferes with that variety, like an overpowered character that everyone (who wants to be competitive) is forced to play, reduces that fun.
Many video games have featured characters that were overpowered to the point that they've been the subject of bans or gentleman's agreements not to use them. Street Fighter II had Akuma and Sagat. Super Smash Bros. Brawl had Meta Knight. Tecmo Bowl had Lawrence Taylor.
Monopoly had the dog.
And yes, those are cheap characters, fully deserving of their bans, but they also weren't 2-foot-tall cock-shooting machines. No one, no one, has deserved a punch to the throat more than a man playing Oddjob.
"I WILL RIP OFF YOUR ARM AND PAINT A MURAL OF PAIN WITH ITS BLOODY STUMP."
Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and your best friend. Join him on Facebook or Twitter and make him reconsider that.