6 Creepy Perv Moments Cut From Beloved Games
JRPGs are a very popular video game genre, that can become infamous for containing some thirsty content -- hence the name standing for Jackoff Role Playing Game, we presume. Due to disagreements on what's sexy, or even legal out here, western audiences sometimes only get to play a highly sanitized version of a product they have no idea was originally intended to be one hell of a lot more horny and gross ...
Fire Emblem Was Into Gay Conversion Via Date Rape
Fire Emblem is a tactical role-playing game, meaning players get to plan battles, not drink with their pals -- at least not in the US version. Originally, Fire Emblem Fates allowed the male playable character to get blitzed with a female companion named Soleil. Unfortunately, our male character wants to go on a 1v1 horizontal fight with Soleil, but she happens to be lesbian. This would usually be cause for heartache, but Fire Emblem takes place in a world of magic! That means that there are various other characters to get it on with, but also that there are drugs to spike Soleil's drink to "solve" her case of gay by tricking her into seeing you as a woman.
We're dumbfounded at the high level of contortionism required on the developer's end to even believe this isn't just conversion therapy via date rape, especially since this was clearly coded with one hand. But you can totally still do it in the original version of Fire Emblem Fates, in which you can also use the DS pen to touch girls in their private parts until they make suggestive sounds.
Related: '30 Rock's Gay Bomb Was A Real Thing
Pokemon Black And White Gets Weird With Random Transphobia
When playing the US version of Pokemon Black and White, players meet a nurse and take her on a Ferris wheel ride. That's kind of a weird thing for a 16-year-old and a total stranger to do, but the scene concludes after a conversation about fear of heights and a surprising lack of kidnapping and murder.
However, if you were to play the Japanese version, the character would instead introduce themself as a female nurse and then reveal that he's actually a man pretending to be a woman. His reason? The hospital was only hiring women -- so basically, the plot for a lame as shit early-'00s sitcom. The whole thing is just sweaty, stupid, and offensively weird, as you can see in this faithful translation made by a fan.
And it gets even worse when the nurse waits for the two characters to be locked up atop the Ferris wheel to seemingly try to have sex with a teenager.
The game gives players no say on the matter, and the scene transitions in a way that makes it look like they nursed the hell out of the player.
J.K. Rowling played this and thought it was a documentary
Senran Kagura's Burst Was Actually About Ethics In Child Molestation
The western version of Senran Kagura's Burst tells the story of female ninja students whose clothes get torn off and how that's okay because they're adults. Kind of a thin plot, you say?! Well, that's as high as the ceiling got when the inspiration for the game was just the developer wanting to make a game about boobs in 3D. However, more plot-demanding players can find much more in the original Japanese version of the game -- and swiftly regret it.
When boobs mean so much to you that your game's designer calls himself an "exploding boobs producer," then you probably should make a game about boobs, as your life seems to depend on it. But there's a problem with this one: While the western version features young adult boobs, the original one is about children's boobs.
At least the screenshots have been showing us the adult models used for the game's western release, right? Wrong. There are no adult models. They've only changed the ages on the script. The original version even goes as far as to feature an "intimacy mode," which is all about using the Nintendo DS features to grope the underage roster.
In a bonkers twist, one of the game's own localizers (people that prep games for foreign markets) fought against the changes, claiming they hurt the game's plot. Somehow, we're still not sold on that being worse than Nintendiddling school girls.
Akiba's Beat KKK Reference And Ensuing Chaos
The Japanese version of the Action-RPG Akiba's Beat wanted to spoof the Japanese company NKK Switches, so they came up with what's possibly the least marketable alternative for a US version: KKK Witches.
We'll never know if it was intentional, but no publisher wanted anything to do with it. This was 2016, after all, still a little while before that brand got all hot again. The cursed logo was just a blink, and you'll miss it type of thing, not a part of the plot, so all the localizers had to do was straight-up remove it from the game, and problem solved. Or so you think. Weirdly, this began a debacle about censorship in video games. Localizer Tom Lipschultz asked the devs to remove his name from the game's credits because he thinks censorship is bad and also because he thinks this is somehow a case of censorship.
He later admitted to the removal of the KKK witches logo being insignificant but claimed his grandstanding was inspired by a dumb quote about how you should actually defend bad people's rights to say bad things. Plot twist: this is also the guy who stood for not aging sexualized teens on the entry above, so yeah, we guess the company won't regret getting him leaving.
Xenoblade Chronicles X Had A Boob Slider
The original version of Xenoblade Chronicles X gives users a lot more options than what we got in the west -- too many options, some might say. The Japanese version features a character creation tool, which includes a bunch of customization choices, including a slider for boob size.
By itself, the slider isn't too bad. But, it quickly high dives into a dumpster when you find out about Lynlee, a 13-year-old character who originally featured a way more sexualized body model, complete with a customizable bikini.
Upon learning of the changes for the western release, even the game's director was like, "Yeah, I get it". Most surprisingly of all, Western players also took it kindly! Just kidding, they lost their minds over the changes until they found a way to glitch giant boobs back into the game.
Devil May Cry V Was Originally A Female Nudist Colony
In the west, most players have played the PS4 version of Devil May Cry V, which features scenes of would-be gratuitous female nudity if not for tasteful but hilariously-out-of-place lens flares dressing up the characters.
It's weird that DMC V, the fifth game in the Capcom series, is the first one to feature straight-up nudity. Weirder still is how only the two female leads end up naked. How did that happen, huh? Anyway, the game does it tastefully, so it's okay! Unless you play the original version, where it's just blatantly gratuitous fan-service.
We'd warn you that there's some exposed skin, but at least it's finally adult skin.
The plot jumps through quite a few hoops to justify the undressing of both Trish and the highly respected female character aptly called "Lady." The fear of seeing Capcom's efforts going to waste and most certainly nothing else angered US fans leading up to a hilarious backlash. The complaints of American gamers got so so loud they successfully drove Sony to cave in and launch a patch that removed the lens flares covering Trish's butt for a few frames during a cutscene.
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Top image: Nintendo