This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Remember what Johnny told Ponyboy Curtis: "Nothing gold can stay." You may say that was a metaphor for fleeting youth and innocence in the face of impending, inevitable change, but we're here to tell you that Robert Frost actually was referring to these weekend sales. Johnny, like many great literary critics before him, misinterpreted the text. Let's set the record straight, shall we? Like, look at these deals! Of course, they're too good to stay!
Sale Price: $39.99
Every aspiring chef needs a great set of knives. These ones are forged from ultra-durable 3CR13 stainless steel and have an ergonomic pakka wood handle for slicing and dicing just about anything. They've also got a neat wood-grain pattern on the blade so you can tell people that you only chop with solid wood and stare them down until they're too afraid to ask questions.
This Kickstarter-funded ruler is way more efficient than a tape measure. Just start rolling this baby along a surface and it'll tell you how far you've gone, giving you a precise measurement without getting yourself tangled up in tape like a Bugs Bunny victim.
Got an iPhone and an Apple Watch? Use one tool to charge them both! This clever device combines a wireless Apple Watch charger with a Lightning cable so you can keep both devices at 100% at the same time. We're pretty sure that gives you superpowers.
Bluetooth speakers are awesome, but they're less awesome when you don't have service to stream your favorite music. The Barnacle solves that problem by allowing you to store up to 2,000 songs from iTunes directly on the speaker. No service, no problem. Plus, it's IP68 waterproof!
Apple's AirPods revolutionized wireless listening, but like most innovative products, you might have to rob a bank if you want a pair before they become historical. The AirSounds Pro True Wireless Earbuds offer many of the same features as the AirPods, no crime necessary. (Hooray for non-branding!) With this deal, you can get two pairs for less than the price of one.
If you're a cat owner who has been working from home for the last couple of months, by this point, you may be considering getting rid of the cat. Don't do that. Instead, give your cat the Wicked Ball, a 100% automatic toy with multiple interaction modes and a snack reward system that will keep your cat occupied so it isn't walking all over your laptop every ten minutes.
If cats are a distraction while you're working from home, dogs might as well just make you quit work. Again, don't do that. The Wicked Ball is available for puppers, too.
Being cooped up all day really forces you to reckon with the stank air in your home, but you can breathe easier with this high-end air purifier. It uses a pre-filter, a true HEPA filter, and a VOC filter to clear the air of mold, dust, pollen, and other allergens. It works in rooms that are up to 170 square feet, in case you live in a museum or something. We're not judging.
Every devoted reader remembers huddling under the covers with a flashlight tucked under your chin so your mom didn't know you were up reading Harry Potter all night again. Now that you're an adult and don't have to care who knows you were up all night reading Harry Potter, forswear the flashlight for this gorgeous lamp that looks just like your favorite thing. The ultimate decor piece for any bookworm, this versatile booklet lamp opens up to 360ÃÂº so you can orient in a wide variety of ways, adjusting the light in any room however you want.
If your tastes run a slightly different kind of nerdy, setting the mood in any room is easy with this futuristic circular light. The LED lamp offers seven light colors, five lighting modes, and four brightness levels that are all easily adjustable. Yes, one of those modes is "pulsating," so you can feel like you're in a science-fiction space club.
Edward Fortyhands is a bad look once you've graduated college, acquired a real bed frame, and otherwise grown up. To class up your public consumption, get a Trinken Lid. This clever cozy wraps around your beer can, making it look like an ordinary cup of coffee. If you can get your (forty)hands on some Buzz Beer, all the better.
You don't have to go through any expensive, invasive treatments or even win the genetic lottery to get great skin. This clever handheld device uses 36 Nano LED technology to penetrate deep into your skin to treat breakouts, reduce lines and wrinkles, and kill bacteria. Plus, it's super portable, so you can give yourself a treatment wherever you are. It'll really freak out the squares in line at the grocery store.
Add some color to your wall with this 20" x 24" framed painting by Ivan Ballack. Ballack is a South African painter popular in the U.S. and Europe for his propensity for turning ordinary items into extraordinary aesthetics, and you can tell people that when they ask about your rad painting. "Oooh, what a smart and cultured person," they will say to no one in particular. Honestly, kind of rude to talk about you like you're not even there, but just take the compliment.
You probably can't get a mani or pedi in person right now, so pamper yourself at home! This 18-piece kit has everything you need to give your nails the royal treatment, or the spooky treatment, or the downright upsetting treatment. We're not the nail art police.
Sometimes, you can't just hop in the shower when you notice you're looking a bit stubby on your way out the door to debut your cute new sundress, so save time with this super-efficient wet-dry razor. This razor features a 3-in-1 sharp blade shaver head so you can easily transition from arms and legs to armpits to bikini lines and hard to reach areas. You know the ones we're talking about. Yep, those ones. You probably never thought you could shave those ones without hunching over the bathtub and praying you don't slip, but the future is here, friends.