Cell Tower Conspiracy Theory Is A Doozy

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Cell Tower Conspiracy Theory Is A Doozy

Watch out Flat Earth movement, Pizzagate, and QAnon because a new challenger approaches to compete for the dumbest conspiracy theory championship, as there are now those that believe that radiation from 5G towers is causing COVID-19. A Change.org petition has already received more than 110,000 signatures to block 5G towers, as well as support from D-list celebrities (the 'D' stands for dumbass here) who are sharing the sentiment with their followers.

Woody Harrelson is even dabbling with a little 5G truthin'. But, don't worry, he hasn't fully vetted it yet.

Now, in case you're still waiting for this mystery to be solved by the guy they hired on True Detective to make Matthew McConaughey look like 'the smart one', allow us to clear some things up for you. Their claim is that the radiation from 5G towers suppresses your immune system, which allows for the virus to transmit more easily. Okay, radio waves could technically (and we mean technically in the most pedantic sense imaginable) disrupt your physiology and suppress your immune system, but as Dr. Simon Clarke, associate professor of in cellular microbiology points out " 5G radio waves are tiny and they are nowhere near strong enough to affect the immune system. There have been lots of studies on this."

If you're worried about 5G towers suppressing your immune system, then you'd also have to worry about micro-waves, mobile phones, and your freaking light bulbs. There's also the fact that Coronavirus is spreading like mad in cities that have yet to implement 5G. There's also, also the fact that cellphone towers spreading disease doesn't make any fucking sense. As Adam Finn, Professor of Paediatrics at the University of Bristol, puts it:

"The present epidemic is caused by a virus that is passed from one infected person to another. We know this is true. We even have the virus growing in our lab, obtained from a person with the illness. Viruses and electromagnetic waves that make mobile phones and internet connections work are different things. As different as chalk and cheese."

So before you start running around setting 5G towers ablaze like some people in the UK are doing, maybe take a deep breath, a second to think, and then don't do that. Or you can take your cues from Woody Harrelson, a guy who looks, talks, and acts like the Ghost of Joints Past. It's up to you.

Top Image: LBJ Presidential Library/Wiki Commons, Fabian Horst/Wiki Commons

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