The Government Is Coming For Your Alternative Milks

The Government Is Coming For Your Alternative Milks

It's been a rough week for nuts. First, there was Mr. Peanut's inconsequential death and deeply uninteresting resurrection, and now Virginia is on a quest to make it "unlawful" to call nut and plant-based milk "milk." The move is clearly aimed at placating dairy farmers who feel threatened by the natural free-market rise of alternative milk derived from non-milk things that still kick ass with Cocoa Puffs.

The Government Is Coming For Your Alternative Milks
Oleksandra Naumenko/Shutterstock
"If you don't see tits here then there's something wrong with you, not me."

Meat and dairy production represent some of the biggest contributors to climate change. So, it's not surprising that state governments are throwing these obstacles in front of more sustainable alternatives, all in the name of protecting older industries. Doing anything new and truly innovative in America means having to battle through a gauntlet of crap hurled at you by old money companies who can afford to launder their evil through sappy Super Bowl commercials. But then, one day, if you break through their wall and become a towering success of your own, you too can make life impossible for the emerging industries threatening to take you down. It's the American way.

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!

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