That Autonomous Trashcan Will Get Stuck On Everything

As long as it doesn't get stuck trying to mate with your bathroom scale, a robot vacuum cleaner will leave your house looking better than ever. Every dust mite and strand of hair that conspires to make your home look like a bird's nest will get sucked into your hungry robot's belly, along with your charging cables, loose change, and the ghost crumbs of Doritos past. Robot maids aren't Rosie from The Jetsons; they're dogs with vacuum cleaners taped to them. None of this has stopped a company from selling a robot garbage can which they have the gall to call a SmartCan, because it drives itself to the curb on garbage day.

<i>*Sad Hulk music*</i>SmartCan*Sad Hulk music*

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Being programmed to walk from one spot to another does not make a thing "smart." A toddler can do that, and I'll bet you've never walked away from a conversation with a toddler feeling intellectually inferior. (Except for Bernice. That kid is going places.) While some praise the convenience of a trashcan that moves itself a few feet, anybody who has a robovac knows that sense of comfort will be completely obliterated by the feeling of dread over the prospect of driving home wondering if the trash wasn't collected because the iDiotCan got stuck on a squirrel turd inches away from its charging dock.

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Robot vacuums are easily derailed from their prime directive by the smallest inconvenience. Making one four feet tall and putting it outside only makes the journey more treacherous. Now it has to deal with weather, peeing dogs, and sidewalk joggers who didn't expect to be assaulted by a smellier, dumber R2-D2. There's only one endgame for the SmartCan: getting its cargo of delicious trash hijacked by raccoons looking to make one last big score before they retire.

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com. And listen for his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast.

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For more, check out That Awkward 'Joker' Footage Was, Well, A Joke and In 'Death Stranding,' A Baby Talks Through Your Controller.

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