6 Totally Deranged Ways Fans 'Improved' Their Favorite Games

Since villagers in the game follow a specific timetable depending on the weather and the season, jerking off also follows a schedule. Thankfully, the creator included a handy guide in the mod description so players can easily track when to observe their neighbors whacking it:

GirafarigWe're starting to think that's not water that's raining down.

One apparent flaw is that the guys are always completely naked (even during the cold, ball-shriveling months) and standing up when they do the deed, even if a bed is right beside them. They are also all surprisingly cool with a stranger walking into their house and watching them perform an intimate act without invitation. If you'd like to congratulate the mod's creator on his work, we'd stick to emails.

Once you install this mod, your adorable toddler will gain the ability to pull a massive knife out of nowhere and leap on adult Sims to murder the shit out of them. To make it clear that they're doing this purely for enjoyment, the toddlers' fun meter will go up after they've killed someone, and they'll laugh and clap like they're watching some awful Disney Junior show. Also, as seen in the (age-restricted) trailer, they can also teleport and set things on fire with their minds. Just like you've always wanted!

Electronic Arts via SACRIFICIALApparently Stephen King likes to mod games in his spare time.

The notes on the "Dorian romance for female Inquisitor" mod warn that "weird animation is unavoidable during the romance scenes," but that's probably just because it's a Bioware game. But there's a problem: Dorian's backstory is that his dad couldn't cope with the shame of having a gay son and tried to use magic to "cure" him. Obviously, it didn't take. The entire reason Dorian joins your party is that you accept him for who he is. He's putting his trust (and if you play your cards right, other things) in you.

This means that by installing this mod, you betray him, just like his father did. You've used forced gay conversion magic on him. You're a monster.

Thankfully, heroic modders have taken it upon themselves to address this grievous oversight. Like Acobral, who acknowledges that while there may be other mods out there that allow you to wantonly murder the wee, his is the best, by golly.

Nexus ModsThe ability to violate the elderly with the business end of a Dwarven mace should be available by midsummer.

This one even includes child-sized coffins and urns, in case you have trouble climaxing without witnessing tangible grief. Acrobal named his mod "Immersive Children," because it's all about making the game more realistic, you see. As he put it, "I too have a moral conscience when it comes to killing children, but immortal children is most certainly not an immersive thing." Yeah, who could possibly enjoy a game full of reanimated skeletons and giant flying lizards if the children can't die?

Being far too generous to humanity, the many teen pregnancy mods for The Sims 4 seem like sort of a natural extension of a family simulator. However, the mod also lets the player imprison said pregnant teenager in their house and then force her to obey your every will.

And the crazy doesn't stop there. Not only can you knock up an underage girl, but you can also install a version of the mod that lets you experience the, uh, lead-up. And the game doesn't just limit you to a tastefully implied half-drunk fumble in the upstairs bedroom at a high school party. You can marry your teen sims off to creepy old men too:

Electronic ArtsMaking him a hunchback is optional.

E. Reid Ross has a couple books, Nature Is The Worst: 500 Reasons You'll Never Want To Go Outside Again and Canadabis: The Canadian Weed Reader, both available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Christian Markle is a pretty cool dude. Hit him up on Facebook.

For more, check out Why Video Games Still Don't Understand Sex - Video Game Purgatory:

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